the one with the birthday update!

hello yall.

i hope everyone had a really good weekend and all that u planned happened just as you planned...me on the other hand, i had a fab weekend, even though nothing went the way it was planned!

Last time, i mentioned a list of things i'd be smiling about come monday. And well...i was glad i took the day off. That totally worked to my advantage because the boss woulad have fired me for coming into work late and drunk again (yes. I have done that before...long story!).
Which was fab coz my the boyf anf i got to stay in bed still drunk and be merry!

As far as presents went, i was spoilt rotten yo! I got a new blackberry from my boss (!!)...the the parental units went all out and got me the prettiest necklace ever..and a diamond purity ring from the dad..(he doesnt think om still a virgin does he?) and from the boyf...A PUPPY!!!!
A pitbull puppy!
Im a mummy! Yay!
His name is THEO WALCOTT, after my fave soccer player who plays for england and arsenal!! But those close to him shall refer to him as walcott. I am in love yo! And he loves me too!

Now, as for abuja, the awards and kelly rowland..well..

The boyf made us late to the airport on saturday morning and we missed the first flight, so i was 3 hours late to abuja and only got to work 3 hours after i was supposed to be there..now u know why i cant go to worj drunk anymore?

Anywho, i had to head straight to the venue so i told the boyf to go straight to the hotel and leave the bags and meet up with his pals..in retrospect...HUGE Mistake?

Im dating wats commonly known as a...heavy drinker. Instead, he freakin heads to the bar at the hotel and loses our luggage, when i get 2 the hotel. I have 30min to get ready..and no bags in sight..although..i did run straight into FLO RIDA on my way into the hotel! yummmy!

Ok, so bag ish sorted' i hurry, get ready, dress the boyf and we get outside the hotle and the car isnt therr..So im panicking and hop into another car with the boyf and some people we dont even know!

My boss freaked out at me i tell you! (but still gave me the blackberry!)

The boyf and his brother got to sit in my seats at the ceremony and watch the show...meanwhile, I was flipping out backstage and drinking champagne every 2secs. I heart a job where i can totally drink!

So that was the ceremony.

As for the afterparties...thats when i went from working girl to complete party girl and i let loose yall! The Game and Kelly (i can call her kelly now, but when i met her i was all about calling her kelly-rowland like it was one word!) were so cool.
Alas, kelly-rowland didnt offer me an invite to the new year eve party, but not to worry, she liked me so much that she kept telling the HUGE dude she was with about me and everytime i got close to her she kept pulling him over to stop the commoners from getting close to me and her..and showing me the exit...but thats only coz she didnt want everyone else to be jealous. Bless her soul!!

So, we left the parties at about 5am...our flight was at 1, do we had plenty of time, we headed to the hotel and fell asleep. Of course, we didnt freeakin set an alarm and got up at 12..so we missed that flight, but got on later one...with my boss!

Anywho, i had a great birthday. When we got home the parentals took me and a group of friends to dinner and we all got smashed, and i got my prezzies!

Then i went home with the boyf and there was WALCOTT..waiting! I love how the first time i met my baby, i was completely wasted..im gonna be a great mother!!

So...thats the summerised version of what was the weekend, what i didnt get to was telling you about how the boyf threw up on my bosses car, how the boyfs brother lost my car with his girlfriend in it (i have to say, im not having the greatest time with the boyfs brotherss and their significant others!)!!

So...i gotta get home and pick up walcott, im having serious seperation anxiety and have been calling the maid hourly so that she can put walcott on the phone so i can speak to him. Im afraid he'll forget me!!
So im gonna take him to the vet and then to visit his daddy at the office..i just cannot wait for him to pee in my car!!

Much love yall!


*unwritten*

The one where im totally at home on a friday night!

Hey there.



So...the boyf is at a champagne party..and i...I'm at his place (which recently became "our place"..but that's a story for another night)..alone.



I know. Sad ha? Well, i prefer to call it MAD LOVE! That and I'm in need of some serious rest, I've been working on this big thing for work, as a result I've been in between Lagos and Abuja for the last 2 weeks. This week alone i went to the Road to the MAMA (Mtv Africa Music Awards) concert on Tuesday, wed was in abuja the whole day, got back to Lagos Thursday morning and headed to a really good friends wedding. We partied all night and i got home at 5 this morning, dumb, coz i had to be at work at 10.
In a few words, its been a really long week and i just couldn't get up off of the sexy boyf's couch and get dolled up and make like a banana and split the dance floor!


So..i stayed in. And the boyf is out..


Now, let me tell you something, this is not what i was expecting i would be doing tonight. When i brought up the fact that i wasn't gonna go out tonight, i expected my loving, sweet, sexy man to be all:
"aw shame baby, I'll stay in with you, it wont be fun without you"

but instead i got:
"aw shame, here, I'll order Chinese (food) for you and I'm gonna tell the boys we can finally have a boys night...how great ha?!"

I know, I'm such a girl. I should have just told him i wanted him to do. Anyway, its too late now, and now I'm stuck here watching "Ghost Hunters" on the reality channel (ps..I'm terrified of the dark).


Anywho, onto more pressing issues and MUCH more interesting things...Sunday is my birthday!
And tomorrow is the MTV African Music Awards, and I'm totally going to Abuja tomorrow. I'm supper excited about the bday, its gonna be GOLD!..

i present to you...

The Top 5 things I'm gonna be smiling about on Monday (in a perfect world):

1. The fact that i decided to take Monday off work because i knew i would have a hang over the size of China having been drunk since Saturday morning.
2. The Cute puppy that the boyf got me for my birthday, that he's gonna give to me when we get back from Abuja.
3. Having met Kelly Rowland and she realises that we are like destined to be BFFs and swap numbers, and she invites me to her New Years Eve party where Beyonce and JayZ will be there and then we'll all be cool with each other.
4. The Diamond necklace that my dad got for me.
5. The boyf is totally gonna be licking my ass for leaving me at home by myself on Friday because he didn't get any the whole weekend and therefore got me that Dior watch I've wanted for a while!
6. I know...i said 5 but dude, MUNYA SOOOOOOO has to win Big Brother Africa!! WooHoo!

That's it for now.

OK, I'm gonna watch one of my fave movies: "The Devil Wears Prada", hopefully it will keep my mind off the stupid Ghost Hunter's thing, then I'll put my phone on silent and wake up tomorrow morning and find the boyf asleep at the guard's station coz i didn't wake up to let him into the house coz guess what...lady marmalade (that's who takes care of all karmic payback for women...u didn't know this???) threw me a pity bone and made the dumb-ass-hot-ass-shit (with flies) boyf forget his house keys with me!! LOSER!!!

Have a pleasant weekend cyber Bffs!

*Unwritten*

the one where i went to jozi..and took my baggage with me..

Its me!!!!

how is everyone doing?! I mean, i have to confess though, i know how everyone is doing coz well...i've just caught up on my blog reading!
Man, i feel like my life is one big YAWN compared to all yall!

Ok, so first things first, i just got back from jozi, i was there over the weekend. Ugh, as much as i heart jozi, i feel like i have to write a personal email to M.N. (mother nature)...seriously, the summer clothes are out, and im there to cause some serious damage to my under utilised credit card (imagine??--well, that's what happens when you live in Nigeria and cant use the Internet to purchase things and all you can do is resort to watching eBay auctions and wish you were bidding, but instead pick a team and hope that zero-pounds from Virginia gets the Versace dress!) and the weather is a measly 19degrees and its raining. Ugh.
But that didn't stop me from drinking alcohol like a college kid and dancing like i was alone in my room pretending to be Cameron Diaz in Charlies Angels (formal apology to all those who had to witness this..really, I'm truly sorry).

Because i only get to go shopping in jozi maybe once every two months or so, i am meticulous with my plan. I hit up Eastgate...and then head to the Rose. I hit up the Truworths and the Woolworths and Y.D.E and boutiques first...and then when i see that i only have R500 between me and walking back to OR Tambo Int Airport i head straight for MR PRICE where i spend every last dime and come out of there with double what i got in the other stores and 10kg excess baggage...i love travelling alone and doing things like this alone. Its so theraputic i reckon

This time though, was a little different for me...i came with my own extra baggage (not counting the F*cking 6 kilos i've gained in the last 3 months---even though I've been hittin the gym every other other day or so...ish)...i brought another human being with me...THE BOYF.

Now, listen, this is the first time i have ever travelled with a significant other...and i think it went pretty well. Let me re-phrase that... we only had 3 awkward moments...2 squabbles (read: arguments that could have escalated into huge fights if we weren't in another country and in the presence of other normal human beings)...got lost twice and i discovered 2 MAJOR personality flaws about the boyf.

Yup. I travelled with the boyf. Now, bear in mind, we have only been together for almost 3 months and things have been moving pretty fast. So, here's how this came about.

I say "oh man, i have 3 weddings coming up and i totally need to go shopping, not to mention, i need to get out of Lagos"....the boyf: "awesome, i'll come with you!"...me: "hahahahahahaha" the boyf: "cool, shall we stay with my brother or a hotel or your friends??"... first realisation about the boyf: HE'S A PLANNER!!

Now, I'm not sure if any of you have ever travelled with a significant other, but this being my first time, i was way out of my comfort zone. We left Lagos on wed last week and got back Sunday evening, but i only finally relaxed around Sunday morning!!

There were just too many things to deal with, and i was constantly having (mental) freak outs every hour.
I mean, we had a blast and I'm sure he really enjoyed himself with me but i wonder how relaxed he was. He got to meet my (judgey) South African and Zimbabwean pals and i got to meet his (judgey--i assume) brother who lives in jozi.

Now, this brother of his lives in Morningside, and he INSISTED (read: practically blackmailed and put a gun to my head) that we stay at his place for one night. That wasn't the worst bit though...nope. He lives with his Ethiopian (beautiful) girlfriend.
Now, we show up at their house on our last night in jozi (saturday) and i immediately notice the elephant in the room...these two were embroiled in the biggest fight i have ever not been a part of. (just as a side note, i had met them the night before and immediately made the mental observation that HE is WAAAAY more in love with this girl than she is with him)
Anyway, so we show up and they aren't even talking to each other. GREAT. So we go into our room and i look at the Boyf with my all-knowing-wise-ass look and say "and u think this is gonna be fun?"..in retrospect, this was not a wise thing for me to say. The last thing we needed was for us to be fighting and our hosts to be near killing each other.

Anywho, (this is a long story but i have to share...i cant believe i lived through this), we had planned to go to a party that The brothers' close friend was throwing...fair enough. Needless to say, the boyf's brother and his Mrs are not even talking and are using the boyf and i to communicate. I have to say, the tension was getting to me, so i pulled the boyf aside at the party and told him this was making me uncomfortable...he didn't seem phased at all. "you're gonna have to grin and bear it coz we're staying with them and my brother really loves this girl"

So, at like 3 we leave the party and the Future sister in law is driving coz the boys were wasted...and im in the passenger seat in front..she turns to me and says.. in a voice louder than is necessary "You guys are more than welcome to have sex in our house, it'll be the first hard on and real orgasm in the house in three months"...Needless to say i didn't say A THING. Meanwhile, alcohol fuelled boyf (mine) in the back laughs REALLY loud and says oh please, girl, maybe u should shave your mustache and he'll be attracted to you ha?!

Second realisation about the boyf: HE JUST HAS TO HAS, TO HAS TO SPEAK WHEN I NEED HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP...EVEN IF ITS TRUE...

ps.. YES...we did have sex--incase you were wondering.



All in all the trip was fun...and we had a blast. Apart from the "babe-you're gonna spend R700 on shoes?" and "babe, I'm hungry" (every 2 hours) "babe ugh, is there a chair in here" and "babe, the first one you tried on was the nicest one"..the boyf and i really had a bonding experience and i completely appreciated his amazing need to take care of me and make me laugh and not stop me from spending insane amounts of money at Nine West, and making my (judgey) friends laugh.


oh boy...i think I'm in love.

*UNWRITTEN*

Ugh, could i really be any worse (or happier)?

Hey guys,

I just needed to say that im in the process of a HUGE move and phase change in my life and i have found it practically impossible to find time to read my fave blogs let alone update my first and true love!!


I have so much to tell and yet i have only three minutes to spare to write this short message to say that i love the blogosphere and all my amazing bloggers!

As soon as im settled and sorted i will let you all know the details...because...this new phase in the most interesting, funny, dramatic and all out ME of my life!!


back soon i swear!!

The one where i apologise for being the absentee blogger

Hey there..



I know. I'm a sucky blogger person and i should be prosecuted. but...i have an excuse...



I've been all over the continent with this part time job I'm doing that's really amazingly awesome!

So, firstly, congratulate me on the part time j.o.b. (thanks) and now things are all in order for me to start Grad school in Feb!

So, i don't really know how to update and blah blah, so I'm gonna just get back to what i do best...MAKE A LIST!!



presenting...THE 12 (im into random numbers OK) MOST INTERESTING THINGS I HAVENT BLOGGED ABOUT LATELY...

1. I got a new (part time) job at a radio station, 3 days after my last day at my old (and totally depressing) job.


2. I've started driving around Lagos. Not without drama and bitch-fit-road-rage! Its been an experience to be honest, and i now realise that if i can drive here, i can drive ANYWHERE in the world. I promise. Although i only drive at non-peak times, its been quite freeing to be able to just up and go anywhere i want anytime i want to.


3. One of my really, really good friends is pregnant!! and she's having a boy!! The funny thing about this is that she told all of us her good friends separately and told us not to tell a soul. So we all knew, and had to pretend to each other that we didn't know! I have to say, seeing her baby bump and seeing her finally just sort of mature over night and become this nurturing being, makes me hear my clock a little louder than usual....and then i snap back into reality and realise that i don't actually need/want a baby until I'm late 20s...so STOP it internal baby making machine, don't make me sedate you and starve you of baby making activities!!


4. I just got back from Ghana...ah, it was amazing. Im totally a seaside person and even though i hate my bikini body, i love being in the ocean, i tried to describe the feeling i get when im in the ocean to someone and this is what i could come up with, its that feeling that if i let go...and just float, i could be lost forever. Is that strange or WHAT? Im deep! lol


5. I got the most fabulous pair of Nine West shoes. Really though, they'll melt your heart.


6. I bought season 1 and 2 of THE HILLS and have realised that i have a strange addiction to this show that cannot even begin to be explained because i have nothing in common with ANY single character on that show and i can't stand most of the characters. But i heart that show sooooo much. (and i have to say i cannot believe lauren chose spending summer with JASON over going to PARIS!!!)


7. I went to a party where the hosts made us take of our shoes at the door because they didnt want us to bring in dirt...fair enough, but unlike that one sex and the city episode, no one's shoes went missing..ah no...instead, the people's dogs snuck into the house and chewed up 3/4 of the guests shoes. I couldnt help but roll around the living room in fits of laughter.


8. I became a celebrity. Well, not really, but i did make the worst dressed list (and i cant believe in blogging about it). I went to this really high profile guy's birthday party and wore my killer sass and bide dress that i got as a birthday gift to myself last year. Its a combination of sparkle and sass and its a bit on the short side. Even if i do say so myself, i looked like 1/2 a million dollars. And the next thing i know, two sundays ago, in the style pages of one of Nigeria's top magazines...heading: "what not to wear". I mean, well, watever, that didnt faze me at all (liar) , but what did annoy me was the fact that they had the nerve to say "she's pretty but the dress is not"...mother bitches. Every last one of them!


9. I suspect someone i met recently in lagos may read my blog...just be the things they said about this blog they read but i didnt get enough time to grill him about the name of the blog, it all just seemed too close for comfort and i had this feeling down my spine the whole time...for the first time i contemplated what it would be like to have people i know know me read me blog...hmmmm...ok, no. No thanks.


10. The first night i quit my job..I met a boy...Scratch that, i met A MAN!!! And i had lock jaw from salivating over him the whole WORK dinner party...and the added bonus...he was salivating even more over me!


11. This man...he got my number, and talked on the phone for a total of 20 hours before we went on our first date...and i threw up before he picked me up because i couldnt stand the butterflies in my stomach. And then he got there, and i saw him again and he was even more attractive than i remembered and we talked as if we were old friends...and we laughed (the Merlot helped with the jokes obv) and after that ONE date, this amazing man became by boyfriend. I freaked out the next day coz i thought it was all happening waaaaay toooo fast so i called my best friend bumble bee in australia and as usual she gave me her pearls of wisdom.."what the fuck are you freaking out about, let go, relax, see where this takes you coz even though i cannot see your face...i hear your voice and i've never heard such joy in it before. Wouldnt you rather see how it goes than always regret it??...now, lets set a wedding date ha?". So there it is. I have a boyfriend, who is amazingly willing to deal with my freak out sessions(they've stopped now...well, now i just do it in my room)...and really, really wants to be with me. Im happy. And the weirdest thing...i have never had so much faith in myself being with this man..if that makes any sense. Anyway, i dont want this to be all about my boyf..(swooney shall we call him?)..i am not going to become one of THOSE girls!
12. I'm still hitting up le gym people, its been almost a month and i've only skipped the times i've been outta the country! Woooo hooo, i even got to try on a pair of jeans one size down...look-i said try i didnt say they fit but i tried them on...and thats all that counts baby!!

So, now that we're all caught up and i feel like im not gonna get lynched by the blogging community for not being present...i gotta go home and pack. Im jetting off to South Africa and Zimbabwe for the next 2 weeks.

Also, in Nigeria this coming weekend is a LONG weekend,. Long im capitals because the next time people have to report for work is...THURSDAY!! yup...LONG ASS WEEKEND!! sadly i wont be around for the whole thing, but i am here tonight and i know its gonna be a RIIPPPPPEEERRR!!!

so, im gonna go pack and do my make up BEFORE i start pre-drinking by myself (no judgement people)...coz i have done the drinking before both activities and its not a pretty sight!

Have a very very pleasant weekend my blog-friends...

*unwritten*

the one with the gym and a single gal

OK, so i joined the gym.

finally i can stop complaining about how fat i am coz..well, i have no excuse now do i? well, that's debatable.


Point is, i have joined the gym and since Monday (yes, 3 days) i have been there first thing every morning getting my treadmill (20min) and StairMaster (10min) on.

oh, and Its not fun. Actually, scratch that, it fucken sucks ass. and it hurts like hell the first few weeks/months/forever.

And you know what's worse? The fact that i totally feel entitled to eat all the shit under the sun. You know, before i joined and started going to the gym, i was being all "oh, i can't eat that coz i am not doing any exercise", but now, i work out every morning (3 days mind u) and I'm all "oh, i can eat that coz I'm working out now", and then its fried chicken for lunch, pasta for dinner (Monday) and chocolate brownies at 10pm.


oh and a whole kitkat peanut butter. Shit man. I don't know whats worse, not going to the gym and suffering or bloody eating like a rabbit.



ugh. fat if i do. fat if i don't.


In other News:

There's been a new development in my life the last few days (that explains the last post) and i didn't feel like blogging about it A. and B. i haven't really stopped to really examine it in full depth. but basically this is it..I'M SINGLE AGAIN





Now, i mean, there could be a lot of explanations and long ass stories from a lot of people as to how this happened or why but the bottom line is..I GOT DUMPED.


yup. I WAS DUMPED.


Now, look, i can honestly say that i have not allowed myself to be sad about this. I mean, i really like editor boy, and he still wanted to hold my hand and squeeze me and cuddle me and whatnot even after this, but at the end there he blind-sided me and this i don't know where i'm at on it.



U know what, I'm mostly just disappointed he ended it the way he did. Because i don't doubt he's a great guy. he is. and he's smart and funny and really good in bed. But still, a phone call at 11.30pm on saturday and that's it? The explanation i asked for was declined.
"i don't want to hurt you"...yup, but calling me while I'm asleep (yes i was asleep at 11.30pm on Saturday..don't judge y'all) is not gonna hurt my feelings is it? and then not answering and not returning my call(s) won't make me feel really crappy?


I'm feeling a little like Carrie when she got dumped on a post-it.


Except I'm not particularly angry, like i said, I'm disappointed that he went and behaved like the kind of guy that broke my heart the last time i dated.


The one thing i can be sure of is that there will be no tears shed here. Not.Gonna.Happen.


I just have to say. What's a girl gotta do around here to get an honest guy. I mean, I'm not gonna start to say horrible things about him because he dumped me. I know he's a nice guy, and i really had a great time with him.


Really though. I mean, I'm not one of those people who gives my heart really quickly, or dives right into the realm of a man who so much as shows interest in me, but we just clicked. And to be honest, out of all the men I've met here in Lagos, he seemed the most honest and sweet. And so you'll forgive me if this has come as somewhat of a shock. Yea, yea, we weren't "together" for that long, but what was, felt like years. Sad. I.Know.



Maybe i just.didn't.know.him.


One the bright side, 13 days till i don't have to work here anymore!


oh, and I'm single again...

*unwritten*

the one with a random update

I actually don't have much on my mind at the moment. Not because im on the single gal path again, but because i just really don't have any news!
Lets see..this is pretty much all i could come up with...


Weekend Highlight:
Friday night insanity with the ladies consisting of 5 too many glasses of champagne, table dances and drunken texts.

Weekend Lowlight:
Waking Up Saturday Morning with no hangover but 7 drunken texts to the former crush that looked like this "ranks aor jks haha" NO.JOKE.

Monday Highlight:
Lunch..2 big pieces of fried chicken..hmmm

Monday Lowlight:
The conversation i just had with the editor..ugh

Relationship Status: critical
The ball is in my court apparantly..which we both know pretty much means, im too much of a pussy to break your heart to your face/straight up so i'll ignore you and push you to temporary insanity and make you end things..men. PUH.

Wearing:
Tight Black Skirt (YDE), Long Sleeved black button down (Woolworths), Black Heels (WoolWorths) LOTS of black eyeliner (MAC)...no color on me whatsoever.

Feeling:
like having a choc brownie with HEAPS of vanilla ice-cream..hmmmm

Loving:
THE HILLS. loving to pretend i hate it.

oh, the mayjah announcement is...

I SENT IN MY RESIGNATION LETTER TODAY!!

count down...2 WEEKS...

*unwritten*