Call me Ally McBeal..spanx a lot..

Dear God, monday Mornings are bitches arent they?

I just feel like today is gonna be a therapy day. You know, when you wish you had a real therapist to speak to you and tell you that you are in fact crazy but you're gettin help so you'll be fine. (or is that just me?)

Now, every woman goes through that phase when the weight has gotten to the ass and the "love-handles"/"muffin top" begin peeping over the top of our jeans... well, its started to happen to me. (let me just say...i haven't been doing anything to stop it!) It started a few weeks ago when my fave pair of jeans just sort of...well..started to feel A LOT tighter...and then as soon as i fastened the button..*POP* goes the flesh over the top.


So, this has really been worrying me..in that totally superficial way, and I've been trying everything to get people to call me thin.. (and trust me, there is nothing that annoys me more than a skinny girl who continuously calls herself fat in front of people who are not as skinny as her) Let me take you back.



It all started last weekend, I'm home alone eating nandos and feeling really fat. When, on came E! most stylicious red something or another.

Anywho..they had all the stars saying how much the ..and then, a friend of mine made an announcement that would change our lives forever..she said..


"I'M GOING TO ATLANTA FOR BUSINESS OVER THE WEEKEND..YOU WANT ANYTHING?"

and i replied.. SPANX.SPANX.SPANX.


Look them up. AMAZING. AMAZING. They are a gift from heaven for women everywhere. I HIGHLY recommend them.



Anywho. The weekend was JAM packed. I swear, as i sit here, i am outta voice (thank you Jesus, i have an excuse to not speak). Seriously, my weekend was pretty much just sleep most of the day...out every night till 5/6am. Ah to be young and have an ample ass to shake.



I was invited to a birthday party for a very prominent Nigerian and it was OVER THE TOP. I'll have to write about it in another post, i have filed the pics under people will never believe you if you told them this shit actually happens. look out for that post soon!


Anyway, there were numerous parties that went down but these are SOME OF THE THINGS I LEARNT OVER THE WEEKEND presented by unwritten who got bored and has nothing else to do on a Monday morning:

ALLY McBEAL IS MY HERO: seriously, this chick rocks my world. I had never really watched the series because i was so clueless and all about Britney spears when it used to show. But i got the DVD from my editor boy with a note that said "you remind me of this chick..." on Friday. He was totally right. I am Ally McBeal (read: this is who i want to be when i grow up), except she's a lawyer, and she's white, and thin, and of course...she doesn't technically exist. Other wise, we're totally the same person. Basically, when I'm watching this show, something happens and i think, jeez, that's exactly what i would have done/said. Basically, she rocks, and even under all that blubbering mess she has a wicked sense of humour and is totally smart and has major romantic issues that make her behave like a crazy person.

ONE GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE AND I'M DANCING ON TABLES: now imagine how i would behave after 5 in one night(that was the last count)? This is in fact not something i am discovering for the first time, i know this. But champagne is my buddy, and so after 3 parties this weekend, i am going on a champagne diet. I cannot afford to continuously hop on tables and behave like i was raised in Inglewood California by drug dealing parents. seriously, esp now that i am about to be famous.

THE TWO SONGS THAT CAN TURN ME INTO A LEGIT CONTESTANT FOR "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE" ARE:
The Good Life by KANYE WEST and American Boy by ESTELLE.
Yup, that's about it from me for today. If i find myself needing therapy later, I'll post about the numerous job offers (not the good kind) i got over the weekend and how i got so plastered that if you asked me where Friday went i will reply "fuck me".

have a pleasant Monday (lol)
*unwritten*

random rant uno

thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant. And if you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say...thank you for being a friend.

OK, so I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Well, really, since last night. I got a call from one of my really really good pals bumble bee last night. We laughed, we cried and boy did we catch up. Sometimes facebook is not enough. It was just a really lovely 3hour phone call, considering time diff she's a champ for not going straight to bed after a big night.

Anywho, the point is, started thinking about friends and friendship and the people i hang with here. I am one of those people who really has a core group of friends (3) and they mean the world to me. We can go for months without speaking and yet when we meet up/ call we are back to the same jokes and laughter. I love these girls.

I also have major trust issues.

So, i moved to this scary new city, and the people i did know from here are all overseas (just my luck), so i started hanging out with a crew that's a little older than me. Their all in their late mid twenties (25/6/7). There's demi, tila and ginger. I mean, its not like they are bad people but they just have a knack for making feel like a complete outsider. Technically i am, because I'm not Nigerian, but neither are ginger and tila, but they seem to fit right in. Now, I'm not a fucking snobby ass girl, i am really open (not in that way perv) and really friendly. Its true, i love meeting people and they know that, because that's how i met them.

It just annoys me. They behave so clicky. Like "oh, we're so exclusive" blah blah. Even

Even though i do have fun (drunken) times with them, this group of girls has reminded me that...

1. 
   
   i prefer having male friends, a lot of girls (not all of them) that i attempt to be friends with gravitate towards that stupid behind-the-back talk and bitchiness.




2. 
   
   i am not the type of person who needs a whole bunch of friends or people around me to make me feel special

Case in point. Yesterday. Now demi has been on a long trip and she obviously feels really great, and she obviously has a lot to catch up on and all. So, i spoke to her on Monday the day after she got back and she's all, yea lets do dinner blah blah. So, is it just me, or when someone says that, and says "I'll let you know", they are supposed to call/text/facebook/email wateva and let everyone else know when and where? And being that this demi is one of those people who if u so much as sneeze she wants to know when and where--she at least wants an invite. So...i waited. And out of my good naturedness, texted her (in between texting editor boy) and asked her when the big catch up was.."oh, not sure yet"..OK.

This morning, i get a call from tila "hey...yea, demi and i had dinner last night, why didn't you come??" yea. OK.

I don't see why people need to waste time, lets just get shit out in the open. Look, I'm not a bad person, i think people just don't understand how i can be so honest sometimes. If i don't feel like hanging out, i''ll tell you, look, I'm not feeling it. No excuses. Easy. But it would be really nice if these people would stop acting like I'm a charity case. I am not. Let me tell you, i would rather be alone at home with a DVD than out with people who are being fake towards me because they feel bad if they don't take me with them. Really, I'm not a charity case. Seriously, I'll be fine thanks.

I have three really good pals who are gorgeous girls who love love me, and i heart heart back. You know why, coz we keep it real with each other. That's what friendship is about.

so why don't i just stop hanging out with them? I don't know man.

fuck.

*unwritten*