Kinda wishing i was american

SONG OF THE DAY: Star Spangled Banner (in honour of the mighty Americans)

Yo, this day could not be taking any longer. I feel like the whole week has moved to the 24hours that is Friday's neighbourhood dammit.

Maybe i feel like this because i need, need, need sleep. I unfortunately had a hippo fell asleep on my head and have a bad case of "nothings going into my stomach and staying there"--i know where this illness came from. The club.

Yup, that's right, went all out last night, madness.

I cannot even begin to tell you how insane this night was.

Crept (literally) into bed at 5am, and woke up at 8.30--the time i was supposed to be at the office. FUCK. Clearly things were not going to be going uphill today...

A. couldn't find my house keys--and the door was locked. which left me wondering how i got into the house...i was in a bit of a tizz, and turned my whole house upside down looking for the damn keys-----i was so dizzy i had to go out the back door, and when i got to the front, i saw that the keys were in fact still in the door, on the outside. This i will have to get more info on because i have no idea what went on there.

B. i was obviously still deliriously drunk this morning when i phoned woody allen to explain why i was late because by the time i got to the office i had completely forgotten what i said and was now making up another excuse when woody said "oh, so there was no pumpkin situation?!"...WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY TO HIM??

C. High Flyer called me a few minutes ago asking me how i feel. "like shit". "GOOD". click. WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY TO HIM??

D. i then decided to consult a reliable (or so i thought) source to ask what the hell went down last night. My partner in crime last night "miss sixty". She offered this beauty "fucked if i know where we went last biatch". Great.

E. Got a call from Trivial Pursuit this morning. He couldnt put the pieces together either and wanted to know who took him home as his car was still parked outside the club. And his car keys are at his parent's place. What??

Yea, so that's why i am suffering. The worst bit, is that i am STARVING but i know if i put anything in my mouth, its download from there.

Anywhoowy. Weekend plans.

Not much planned. One thing is for for sure-no alcohol or smokes involved. Ugh.

My DSTV was fixed, YIPPIE, i am one happy camper-so its some serious MNET/E! tonight.

High Flyer is out of town for a few days (such is the nature of his work) and left me the keys to his place (brave man), but i think i probably need to talk to him before he heads out tonight because he didnt seem very happy with me, man, i wonder what i said. I know i didnt do anything because..well..i know my mouth grows strong legs when im drunk and runs all over the place. very classy.

Thats it. Awesome weekend yall.

Unwritten.

ps, i just realised i write A LOT of lists up in this hizzy. shit.

Sharing is Definatley Caring

Song Of The Day: Piece of Me by Britney Spears

Uh, Hi.

Listen, people say i don't have a maternal bone in my body. Not true. Today, when i was ordering lunch from the Indonesian guy who works at Chinese restaurant behind my office, i purposely ordered more food than i needed coz i knew Woody Allen would be all "what are u having for lunch, i want some too" (everyday...EVERY- Fu*king- DAY). Isn't that mighty kind of me? - Although Yann (guy from the restaurant thought i was a pig). And i even offered Woody Allen the food before he annoyingly begged for it. Aah, karma points for the week sorted.

Anyway, last night didn't exactly go according to plan, Mr High Flyer did pick me up from the office, and he's all "lets go out for dinner" and I'm like...sure. So we went to this Brazilian owned place and as we walk in, we run into a pal of mine and her boyf. So we are all "YAY" and we ended up sitting together for a very tasty dinner. scratch that. a very BOOZY dinner. (i realise i am beginning to look like a heavy drinker.. )

So, anyway, this friend of mine, we shall call her " Demi Moore (duh), is going off on vacation tonight. She's been planning this trip for almost 2 months now. She's headed to Bali (Indonesia), but she decided on Tuesday that she wanted to go to London before she heads to bali, so she was scrambling to get a cheap flight to London, which, obviously not so easy given the time limit.(listen, birds of a feather-im not the sharpest tool in shed either ok. no judgement here) and the travel agency told her the cheapest they could get was an airline called Afrique Air. But. She has to go through a place called Tripoli (in Libya and there is another Tripoli in Lebanon-but she's going to the one in Libya). Now, she's been freaking out a little coz she doesn't like the sound of it, but her boyfriend-Red Sneakers (he's 4 years younger than her-she's 24.), has been really keen. He even said he was envious. We all looked at him all weird,

DM: why the fuck are u jealous of going to Libya, what if i get lynched or stolen??

RS: what are u talking about, you're going to a safe place and you're not even gonna be there for long. Beside, if you were, you could go to the beach, eat great food etc. Silly girl.

DM: babe, its in LIBYA.

RS: Gosh, you're a bit of a drama queen (his tone said it all)...duh, Tripoli is in Italy...SICILY is in Libya.

......WTF??

Anywhoo.

High Flyer headed to his place after dinner. And had a nice long playdate. He dropped me off at my place around 6am.

I have to say that one of the highlights of my job is that i get casual THURSDAY and friday!

Thursday is a big night around here, there's happy hour at a place called HOT, so, thats where im headed. I usually say "just for one drink" but (its 2 for 1 coctails-so i really mean 2 drinks) and i usually end up crawling into the house on friday morning at 4ish for a change of clothes for work. What an alci.

Unwritten.

Did you know the word GULLIBLE is not in the Dictionary?

Song of The Day: What If I'm Right by Sandi Thom

Well hi there.

Pat on the back for unwritten. Why u ask? Because i have made it this far into the day without regurgitating.

Here's the reason why..

3 bottles of red wine shared between 2 people. Ughh.

I know, yesterday (shit-filled Tuesday) i did say i was going straight home and vegging. And seriously, you have to believe me, i had all intentions of vegging.

So, before i left the office, i talked to High Flyer and told him i wasn't up for the date we had because i thought i had food poisoning (why did i lie? no clue). I felt kinda bad at how disappointed he was.

So, while i was stuck in traffic i was consumed with a serious need for cookies and cream ice cream. So i stopped by the supermarket to look for some, and while im waiting to pay (i couldn't find the ice cream, but i did find 2 bags of lays, 3 kit Kat's and a Giant tub of yogurt miraculously in my hands), someone taps me on the shoulder..I'm hesitant to turn around coz, well, with my luck it would be high flyer-it wasn't. It was this un-worldly good looking friend of mine (now he's a friend-at the tome he was just a guy i knew) called Trivial Pursuit.

T.P: hey there gorgeous (he didn't say the gorgeous bit-but he should have)

ME: hey there u fine ass piece of man steak (seriously).

T.P: (confused expression)lol

T.P: so, what's new, i heard u were out of the country? I tried calling u. I wanted to maybe hang out..

Me: Melt...LOL...(i couldn't even speak)

T.P: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH (I didn't understand what he said i was just staring at his fine ass lips move..what i did hear was this)so how about i kidnap you now, take you to my friend's place and force feed you half of three bottles of wine while having the most fun you've had in ages, then drive you home at 4am for you to only have 2 hours sleep and chance missing your 8.00am breakfast meeting.

An hour later, i was at T.P's pals house, just the three of us, T.P and i were on red wine, his friend was on whisky--straight.

I have to admit, it sounds really bad, but seriously, there was no flirting or anything (between T.P and i-his friend, on the other hand, is an ass)..but i just had the best time. Considering i had met T.P only twice before and never had a real conversation with him. We talked about so much, that's where trivial pursuit got his name, he is just full of the most random (and useless) facts like did u know lighters were invented before matches!!! (it was funny at the time--u had to be there).

I found out that T.P. has 4 siblings, is single, works for a media company, plays the piano really well, wouldn't reveal how he got my number, plays tennis on the weekends (yay-now i have someone to play with), is allergic to nuts and... i can't think of what else he told me, the wine was probably kicking in.

I have to say, after the shit day i had, madame karma threw me a bone. I had a ball, except for when i went to the bathroom and decided to touch up my make up (dammit-i learned this lesson in uni) and when i got back to the table T.P's asshole friend said "jeez-there's a big black mark on your chin"--he meant to say "your whole face is smothered with eyeliner".

Over all, really good night.

Then i get up this morning and what do you know, an elephant slept on my head. Surprisingly, i wasn't late for the meeting and i was very charming to our overseas guests ( i know i was still drunk).

On a high flyer note, i don't know if i should tell him what happened last night, not that there is anything bad to tell, but i mean, i did tell him i was sick...hmmm. and listen, its not like i like T.P in that way, i just really like his company, i just feel i should keep this to myself because...he's single and...(this doesn't sound good, the way im defending last night.) blah.

So, i guiltily decided to send high flyer a sexy text today using my bosses phone (people, my phone is AWOL ok.), and he's gonna pick me up after work today for a play date...hint hint.

till next time. unwritten.

WANTED: a little bit of OOOMPH.

Song of the Day: The Gambler by Kenny Rogers (don't know why, the damn song is just stuck in my head)

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done..


So, um yea.
I don't want to be like the "oh i complain all the time" kinda of blogger, but today. today i am not having a great day. I just cannot seem to keep my head above the water. So much so, that i even had to cancel an sure-to-be-alcohol-filled dinner paid for by High Flyer tonight (I'm a drunkie, and I'm proud) in favour of going home and changing to my PJs and watching season 8 of Friends.
Why am i feeling like this you might ask? Here's why...LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Now, i moved to Lagos about 5 months ago today, As comes with moving to a new city, you have to re-negotiate your bearings and yourself and blah blah- basically its a whole new ball game and there's no easy way to go about it. Now, I'm the first to admit that I'm not all there (a few fries short of a happy meal-that's me), but i have finally figured out what the secret to living in this fu*king city is (and this is very important): LEAVE ALL TRACES OF COMMON SENSE AND SENSIBILITY WHEREVER YOU'RE COMING FROM-THERE IS NONE HERE AND YOU WILL NOT NEED YOURS HERE ANYWAY.

Anyway, if u haven't already noticed, I'm in one of those foul moods, so today's post is about:

10 things i hate about my life in Lagos.

1. TRAFFIC. Now, i am coming from jozi-and the traffic is horrible at peak times, but this shit is just damn stoopid.
2. The fact that my work issued phone stopped working yesterday, i went in to the service provider's office at lunch time yesterday and was told "it's fine". Now, i was in a good mood yesterday and asked politely to see the manager who came and fiddled with the damn thing and then gave it back to me and told me to "give it a few minutes to reboot" so i smiled and thanked him. Sure enough, it worked until...this morning when i was on the other side of this city for a meeting the thing went AWOL and i was stranded coz i couldn't get hold of the driver..anyway to cut a long story short, my fone is STILL not working and NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHY. the ONLY solution is: u have to gt a new phone...this is sucky shit.
3. I have no car (i miss my Mazda 2) and so i have to rely on a 60 (just a stab i don't know how old he is) year old sadistic/suicidal maniac called TUESDAY to take me places. Uggh, i have got to get my own car.
4. My boss is south African (u would think this would be a plus), and he is just the neediest, useless, whiny, immature man in the world. He's been here 2 years and he needs me for EVERYTHING (get Ur mind out of the gutter u, its not like that!--he bats for the other team). But really, he's all "what are u having for lunch--i want the same"...bloody hell. Because of his incompetence and inability to make a decision my job often entails being his brain, and thats a lot more than i bargained for.
5. My beautiful shoes are getting ruined one nine west heel and socrati strap at a time by the stoopid dumb ass poorly maintained roads.
6. There is only ONE place to eat sushi and it will cost you an arm and a leg for half a California roll. and their not even that good. Assholes.
7. I just got a call from my house help that the DSTV aint working..."its not switchin on"--my question is, what the fu*k is she watching TV for when she's supposed to be cleaning the fridge which looks like a frat house after party?
8. My DSTV aint working dammit. Ask me again why im in a bad mood.
9. I'm only 22 and i have to start using anti aging products on my face because my frown lines are visible even when im having a good day. I swear, my face sent me an email from the future saying it looks 35 when im 29 (29=my marriage cut off. 35=children cut off) because of the time i spent in Lagos.
10. Last but definitely not least, The constant power cuts is too obvious, so here's the bane of my lagos existence---The water that comes out the tap in my bathroom smells like its coming from one of those open drains around this city. I.e. AWFUL. its so bad that i have to brush my teeth and wash my face in the kitchen because I'm convinced it is sewage water in tap water colours.

Rant over. Incompetent fool who is my boss (i shall call him Wood Allen-W.A if u like) is waiting to ask me what I'll dream about tonight so he can copy me.

till next time. unwritten.