I just feel like today is gonna be a therapy day. You know, when you wish you had a real therapist to speak to you and tell you that you are in fact crazy but you're gettin help so you'll be fine. (or is that just me?)
Now, every woman goes through that phase when the weight has gotten to the ass and the "love-handles"/"muffin top" begin peeping over the top of our jeans... well, its started to happen to me. (let me just say...i haven't been doing anything to stop it!) It started a few weeks ago when my fave pair of jeans just sort of...well..started to feel A LOT tighter...and then as soon as i fastened the button..*POP* goes the flesh over the top.
So, this has really been worrying me..in that totally superficial way, and I've been trying everything to get people to call me thin.. (and trust me, there is nothing that annoys me more than a skinny girl who continuously calls herself fat in front of people who are not as skinny as her) Let me take you back.
It all started last weekend, I'm home alone eating nandos and feeling really fat. When, on came E! most stylicious red something or another.
Anywho..they had all the stars saying how much the ..and then, a friend of mine made an announcement that would change our lives forever..she said..
"I'M GOING TO ATLANTA FOR BUSINESS OVER THE WEEKEND..YOU WANT ANYTHING?"
and i replied.. SPANX.SPANX.SPANX.
Look them up. AMAZING. AMAZING. They are a gift from heaven for women everywhere. I HIGHLY recommend them.
Anywho. The weekend was JAM packed. I swear, as i sit here, i am outta voice (thank you Jesus, i have an excuse to not speak). Seriously, my weekend was pretty much just sleep most of the day...out every night till 5/6am. Ah to be young and have an ample ass to shake.
I was invited to a birthday party for a very prominent Nigerian and it was OVER THE TOP. I'll have to write about it in another post, i have filed the pics under people will never believe you if you told them this shit actually happens. look out for that post soon!
Anyway, there were numerous parties that went down but these are SOME OF THE THINGS I LEARNT OVER THE WEEKEND presented by unwritten who got bored and has nothing else to do on a Monday morning:
ALLY McBEAL IS MY HERO: seriously, this chick rocks my world. I had never really watched the series because i was so clueless and all about Britney spears when it used to show. But i got the DVD from my editor boy with a note that said "you remind me of this chick..." on Friday. He was totally right. I am Ally McBeal (read: this is who i want to be when i grow up), except she's a lawyer, and she's white, and thin, and of course...she doesn't technically exist. Other wise, we're totally the same person. Basically, when I'm watching this show, something happens and i think, jeez, that's exactly what i would have done/said. Basically, she rocks, and even under all that blubbering mess she has a wicked sense of humour and is totally smart and has major romantic issues that make her behave like a crazy person.
ONE GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE AND I'M DANCING ON TABLES: now imagine how i would behave after 5 in one night(that was the last count)? This is in fact not something i am discovering for the first time, i know this. But champagne is my buddy, and so after 3 parties this weekend, i am going on a champagne diet. I cannot afford to continuously hop on tables and behave like i was raised in Inglewood California by drug dealing parents. seriously, esp now that i am about to be famous.
THE TWO SONGS THAT CAN TURN ME INTO A LEGIT CONTESTANT FOR "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE" ARE:
The Good Life by KANYE WEST and American Boy by ESTELLE.
Yup, that's about it from me for today. If i find myself needing therapy later, I'll post about the numerous job offers (not the good kind) i got over the weekend and how i got so plastered that if you asked me where Friday went i will reply "fuck me".
have a pleasant Monday (lol)
*unwritten*
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