The one where i became a superstar

First of all, dear VIM, i took your advice--well, sort of. I hope its OK now??





Yo, I've been going batty around here without my blog. Seriously, this shit is way too addictive and I've been feeling the withdrawal symptoms so bad that yesterday i wrote a report for the boss and at the end i wrote *unwritten*...

There have been a lot of improvements around here, and a lot of things that have managed to royally piss me off.





THE PISS-OFF CULPRITS:





NUMERO UNO. Unwritten's laptop had a diva moment and is now refusing to wake up for anything under $200. Bitch.


OK, granted my life doesn't suck, its still a lot to deal with this no laptop situation.




NUMERO DOS. The Disney Channel. I'm so fed up of freakin watching the same ass episodes of Hannah Montana (real name Miley Cyrus) and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. They have GOT to get updated. I'm going crazy here.




NUMERO TRES. Editor boy. Don't get me wrong, i dig him, but i get the feeling he doesn't realise that my age (or his) has nothing to do with the fact that i am totally neurotic. That, i got from genetics.




Also, lately, i have become the lady about town. I'm that person you see at lunch on Saturday, then at dinner, and then at the club and then brunch on Sunday and then the movies on Sunday evening (wanted to watch MAMA MIA but my editor boy felt emasculated and we watched BATMAN instead. Men.).
Editor boy says his sister is like me, and that he commonly refers to her as a social whore (she totally is!)..i laughed at the time, but writing it just made me realise he basically called me a whore too.
Anywho, he'll be glad he met me when he did, and that i totally laughed when he came out and called me a whore because all my (social) whoring has landed me a slot in the wide open celebrity world of...NOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!

That's right, the unwritten you know (and love obv) is weeks away from a role in a NOLLYWOOD TV series..
I was so jump out or my skin excited that i still don't know how i went into a karaoke party sober and came out shit-face drunk with an appointment for an audition for a TV show.
Anywho, long story short, i went in, i talked, brought on the charm and now...I'm gonna be famous!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since that day, i have been playing nickelback's ROCKSTAR on repeat and practising my autograph on almost anything.
And then editor boy had to burst my bubble (in case u hadn't noticed, the honeymoon is over coz he is all about the damn tough love--the chase is over.) and remind me that no one has become a worldwide superstar through nollywood (true) and that i will only appear on an episode around end of November, and that i still haven't even filmed a thing for them (him and his truth). Ugh, he's so lucky he's cute and likes to kiss me, or it would soooo be over. Regardless, i still had to really contemplate what will change in my life after i become huger than Oprah (not literally obv):

1. my name: jeez, my real name is so bland, i was contemplating changing it to something meaningful and powerful and that can be shortened to one word when i really hit it freakin big. U know, there's only ONE OPRAH, ANGIE, BRITNEY..u get it yea.
2. my friends. this obviously goes without saying but I'm gonna need to stop hanging with the sane people I've known forever and start being a (bigger and better) party girl. Obviously I'll need to get a drug dealer and a celeb boyf--obv someone a little more famous than me. Oh, and I'll definitely need a lawyer for when i get busted for DUI/Sued.
3. my story: i obv cant go around doing interviews and telling people i was too drunk when i got *discovered* to remember what happened. So, from now onwards i have to be really careful to remember every detail when I'm doing the vanity fair interview about how i was just cruising with the much more humble boy toy and how the producer noticed me when i dropped my glass of orange juice and picked up the glass pieces myself (this will showcase humility). Also, the other story to change will be my family background, seriously, only child born Mugabe's country is not dramatic enough, I'll need to begin to portray my dad as an aclo and my step mom as a money hungry whore who stole my dad's cash every time he passed out on the couch and spent the money on herself and so all i had growing up was myself and the dream of one day being an actress. Also, from now on, I'm totally in it for passion "i would be doing this even if i weren't being paid 2million naira an episode"
4. my hair two words POB and KATIE HOMLES..oh and RIHANNA (OK, three words or more)
5. i have to begin to appreciate twins.
6. this blog never happened: I'm soooooooo gonna deny any involvement in the blogging world.
7. i gotta stop wearing tracksuits and no make up to the grocery store: paparazzi, i vow to never let you catch me leave the house in anything unfabulous, and if i must wear tracksuits, I'm gonna be rocking that juicy couture like its my baby o.

Other than that, my life is gonna be exactly the same. I promise.

The only thing that is concerning me is if I'll have to act in a Nigerian accent or not...coz I'm thinking that nollywood ride will come to a screeching halt when they realise im not a real Nigerian. but hey, that dude Hugh Laurie who plays house is British and i bet you didn't know till i just told you.

Better appreciate me now people, I'm gonna be freaking famous in a matter of months*

*unwritten*

*for some reason the casting agent guy hasn't called me back since my screen test..hmmm