The one with last minute shopping...and goodbye 2008..

Wow, and just like that...the years is over.


Let me tell you what i was doing last year this time. I had just finished packing every single thing that belonged to me in Australia and determined to move back to Africa. No one could convince me otherwise and yet everybody tried (to thier credit, my dad, bff Bumble Bee were the only people who didnt try). I didnt stop crying for the entire time i was packing.
I have to say it was all worth it. Every seed of doubt planted by every person who told me i as making a mistake. All of it, because i am an african and africa is where i feel free to be and do what i want. I can honetsly say that i have never doubted my decision, even in my low points.

Now, i was gonna do a review of this year, but, as it just so happens...im hungover, and Theo Walcott is in the best most playful mood ever and i cant concentrate.
I will however, do what im used to doing and what i do best....make some lists!!

Ladies and Ladies (lets face it, i doubt any guys read my blog) i present to you...list uno:

The top 3 highlights of 2008:

3. Quitting my Job.
Its was scary and a bit rash at the time, but it happened just in time for me to land my job i have now where i actually have health benefits, was allowed 10 days off for xmas, despite working there for only 4 months, greatgreat great travel opportunities, soooo much experience, a really strict but well of knowledge type boss (who bought me a blackberry for my birthday), great money even though im not fully qualified for but the boss was willing to give me a go. I also met my great (but nigerian) boyf through the job and...i think thats it.

2.My birthday weekend.
Not only was i working at the MTv African Music Awards, Kelly Rowland, The Game, D'banj and Flo Rida all said happy birthday to me (granted. I did keep telling everyone it was my birthday...and i was shitfaced), also, I got Diamonds (real--non conflict), a tonne of perfumes from clients and i found out i share a birthday with Miley Cyrus (that last bit is just a fact that i was secretly excited about)...and mostly...

1. I BECAME A MOTHER...
to healthy baby boy named THEO WALCOTT. He is a pitbull puppy and he was born on the 8th of november and he came into my life on the 23rd. He is the first thing thats really mine and even though i didnt physically give birth to him..he is the love of my life and no lies...the maternal gene kickec in (i didnt even know i had one) immediatley and what makes me love him is the love i see in his eyes when he looks at me! Ah, bless. I carry pics of him around with me everywhere and people cant believe how much we look alike!


other highlights of the year include:

going to work drunk almost every friday morning and then scheduling a fake meeting and going into the conference room to sleep it out.

the boyf.

the girls i have become oh so tight with in lagos...having moved here, not knowing a soul except for the dad and the stepmom...i have met some amazing, strong, independant women. they have really brought quality to my life and laughter in abundance.

the guy friends i made. the two (count them) men in lagos who have never tried to do anything and who i can tell genuinely enjoy my company, they are crude, and silly, and rude and so soft and real. I heart them!

Dakar. Beautiful place. Amazing Amazing place. I left knowing 7 more french phrases than i did before i got there. Men are beautiful to look at if you're into the Tall Dark (no jokes there...im talking midnight dark) and Handsome...and they speak french.

Did i mention my son? Theo Walcott?

The real Theo Walcott Scored a hatric for england.

i got into the gradschool i wanted.

i have gotten very far in my belief in the universe and God and my spirituality. Some of the things that happend to me were thing i literally thought about getting and threw the thought out to the universe and it was brought back to me tenfold. I believe in the power of the human mind, combined with the power of God...don't ever think anything...ANYTHING is out of your reach!

I became better friends with the stepmother. She's human...which was really nice to find out.

last but definately NOT least...
MY BLOG!!! it took a lot for me to get up and start one and i think its really come in handy. I looked back on some the posts i have had and aren't i a bit of a special case ha?!!
I have to admit it is an eye opening experience and one i am hoping will become bigger, better (updated) and funnier in the new year!


So....what are everyone's plans for the celebrations?
My family has never been big on New Years Eve, until i was 16 it was mainly at home just chilling!.

Christmas day is my dad's birthday, and this year i have a really cool gift for him...he's been complaining the whole year about technology and how people don't wrtie letters anymore, so i wrote him a letter, then gave it to the guy in the art dept at work and he's doing something on the computer that will make it painting size and look like it was painted (these computer guys are great ha?!)...and it will be in my original handwritting (let me say it again...these computer guys ha>!).
As for the stepma...i know she wants a handbag...i got her a Jimmy Choo bag that cost me WAAAAAYYYYYYY too much money , but im hoping that way she'll give me her car for xmas! Scratch my back...etc.

I am stuck on the boyf's present. I cant even decide. I was gonna get him a psp...but then cosmo (the magazine....and every young woman's frenemy!) told me that if i did that i can say goodbye to all forms of communication..so im online..tryna look for something (look, i know its the 23rd...u dont have to point out the obvious ok...im freakin as it is)...geez. My other issue is that i think he got me something totally sweet and gorgeous like a Chanel bag.. I mean, i knew i would have this problem thats why i told him...look babe, u dont have to go all out for Christmas prezzie coz number 1: you're Muslim (OH..i didnt tell u that?..he's MUSLIM..which could become a real issue in the future...for now we kinda just ignore it) and 2: you already gave me a beautiful baby...im content. But i think he thinks im being coy and that my words are code for i want something really cool...which it usually would be,,,but this time it really isnt. i swear.

SIDE NOTE:
Wait a minute...i just read that last paragragh back...let me get this straight: im freaking out and last minute ebay shopping for a fabulous Christmas present for my MUSLIM boyfriend who insists he doesnt want a gift??? Good. Thats what i thought.

Ok, and for Walcott...i got him an Arsenal Carpet for his makeshift abode...and...the highlight...a customised ARSENAL feeding bowl! Arent i awesome! Im pretty sure his first word is gonna be ARSENAL!!


Well..i better take my baby for a walk. Im not sure i'll be able to update before the new year


..so if i dont...people of awesome reading habits! May you have the fun and happiness you are deserving! Stay Safe and Be Good. I wish you all the best and really hope you enjoy the holidays!!!!

Until Next Year...let's make 2009 better than 2008 shall we?!!!!





Be good to you!

the one where i realise that being a mother is a 24/7 job..bless

Hey There Blog People..

Im in such a chipper mood today, i don't know why, its not like i've had the greatest past 48hrs but hey, im just a ray of sunshine. Natasha Bedinfield and i have that in common, i too, have a pocket full of sunshine!

Im in bed, yup, i have the most massivest (its a word..i swear, look it up!) flu in the world. Its so bad that i went in to work yesterday and at about 12 the boss walks into my office and says "umm, so im tired of hearing blow your nose and sneeze from upstairs..please save humanity and go home"...
hey, so i took some of the work i had to get done (ok..that last bit...totally not true, but wouldnt that have been super mature of me?)...and headed home.
I got into the house...there was no electricity and the generator was being serviced so i spent the whole afternoon swaeting like a christmas pig on christmas eve.

There is a bright side though...i ordered some chinese food, that was SO good, i ate about 12 dumplings (see that look on your face? thats judging, dont judge!!) and some nice spicy beef. I ate so much that i had to sleep on my stomach coz if i lay on my back i would have choked.

The other interesting thing about my afternoon as a slob was spending time with my precious baby Theo Walcott. He's really growing like crazy, i've only had him for about 2 weeks but he and i are just the best combination ever. we have so much in common. And he does this thing where he's terrified of the dark (so am i..we're a pair made in heaven) and even though he has a sweet little arsenal pillow to sleep on in my room, the second the lights go off...he's on my bed. Not only does he jump onto my bed (he's tiny so it takes about 3-4 jumps to make it)but he'll head for my face. like he cannot fall asleep until he is touching my face.
This didnt go down so well when the boyf slept over thursday coz i had to stop them kicking each other in the middle of the night. Kids.

I have also been making a serious effort to study up and begin the all important and difficult task of house training by beautiful baby boy.

*side not* i reckon at this stage i have to mention that my baby boy Theo Walcott is infact a dog..cute little puppy that the boyf got me for my birthday...*ok, continue*

ok, anywho, its not the greatest task ever, and esp when you have the flu, but it has to be done coz my dad is sick of screaming at me to tell my theo walcott to stop peeing in his bathroom..and his bed, and the kitchen..and..you get the point ya?

so far lil theo is doing well, i have to get up several times at night and make sure he hasnt accidentally pooped on my jimmy choos again! (u think i can afford jimmy choos?)..but he seems to enjoy being my child. He is gonna be spoilt and i love it. Too bad we're already off contraceptives and trying for another puppy!

ok, in other news, i just have to say..i cannot talk or think about my beloved zimbabwe without wanting to bawl my eyes out. These people, my friends, family, neighbours..they are being deprived of BASIC human rights. the right to food and water has become somewhhat of a priveledge in Zim...a nd now with the cholera outbreak and very few hospitals, even if you go to the hospital, there's no money to pay for treatment, and even if you have money its all in the bank and you can only take out the equivelant of 25US cents a day...not enough to get you back home let alone buy a loaf of bread. its appalling and it makes me feel helpless...like there's not a single thing i can do for those people we have left behind to suffer under a ruthless regime. i cry for you my beloved country and people...i may be hundreds of miles away, but you are never out of my prayers. I cry for you...my beautiful, beloved country.



*unwritten*

the one with the birthday update!

hello yall.

i hope everyone had a really good weekend and all that u planned happened just as you planned...me on the other hand, i had a fab weekend, even though nothing went the way it was planned!

Last time, i mentioned a list of things i'd be smiling about come monday. And well...i was glad i took the day off. That totally worked to my advantage because the boss woulad have fired me for coming into work late and drunk again (yes. I have done that before...long story!).
Which was fab coz my the boyf anf i got to stay in bed still drunk and be merry!

As far as presents went, i was spoilt rotten yo! I got a new blackberry from my boss (!!)...the the parental units went all out and got me the prettiest necklace ever..and a diamond purity ring from the dad..(he doesnt think om still a virgin does he?) and from the boyf...A PUPPY!!!!
A pitbull puppy!
Im a mummy! Yay!
His name is THEO WALCOTT, after my fave soccer player who plays for england and arsenal!! But those close to him shall refer to him as walcott. I am in love yo! And he loves me too!

Now, as for abuja, the awards and kelly rowland..well..

The boyf made us late to the airport on saturday morning and we missed the first flight, so i was 3 hours late to abuja and only got to work 3 hours after i was supposed to be there..now u know why i cant go to worj drunk anymore?

Anywho, i had to head straight to the venue so i told the boyf to go straight to the hotel and leave the bags and meet up with his pals..in retrospect...HUGE Mistake?

Im dating wats commonly known as a...heavy drinker. Instead, he freakin heads to the bar at the hotel and loses our luggage, when i get 2 the hotel. I have 30min to get ready..and no bags in sight..although..i did run straight into FLO RIDA on my way into the hotel! yummmy!

Ok, so bag ish sorted' i hurry, get ready, dress the boyf and we get outside the hotle and the car isnt therr..So im panicking and hop into another car with the boyf and some people we dont even know!

My boss freaked out at me i tell you! (but still gave me the blackberry!)

The boyf and his brother got to sit in my seats at the ceremony and watch the show...meanwhile, I was flipping out backstage and drinking champagne every 2secs. I heart a job where i can totally drink!

So that was the ceremony.

As for the afterparties...thats when i went from working girl to complete party girl and i let loose yall! The Game and Kelly (i can call her kelly now, but when i met her i was all about calling her kelly-rowland like it was one word!) were so cool.
Alas, kelly-rowland didnt offer me an invite to the new year eve party, but not to worry, she liked me so much that she kept telling the HUGE dude she was with about me and everytime i got close to her she kept pulling him over to stop the commoners from getting close to me and her..and showing me the exit...but thats only coz she didnt want everyone else to be jealous. Bless her soul!!

So, we left the parties at about 5am...our flight was at 1, do we had plenty of time, we headed to the hotel and fell asleep. Of course, we didnt freeakin set an alarm and got up at 12..so we missed that flight, but got on later one...with my boss!

Anywho, i had a great birthday. When we got home the parentals took me and a group of friends to dinner and we all got smashed, and i got my prezzies!

Then i went home with the boyf and there was WALCOTT..waiting! I love how the first time i met my baby, i was completely wasted..im gonna be a great mother!!

So...thats the summerised version of what was the weekend, what i didnt get to was telling you about how the boyf threw up on my bosses car, how the boyfs brother lost my car with his girlfriend in it (i have to say, im not having the greatest time with the boyfs brotherss and their significant others!)!!

So...i gotta get home and pick up walcott, im having serious seperation anxiety and have been calling the maid hourly so that she can put walcott on the phone so i can speak to him. Im afraid he'll forget me!!
So im gonna take him to the vet and then to visit his daddy at the office..i just cannot wait for him to pee in my car!!

Much love yall!


*unwritten*

The one where im totally at home on a friday night!

Hey there.



So...the boyf is at a champagne party..and i...I'm at his place (which recently became "our place"..but that's a story for another night)..alone.



I know. Sad ha? Well, i prefer to call it MAD LOVE! That and I'm in need of some serious rest, I've been working on this big thing for work, as a result I've been in between Lagos and Abuja for the last 2 weeks. This week alone i went to the Road to the MAMA (Mtv Africa Music Awards) concert on Tuesday, wed was in abuja the whole day, got back to Lagos Thursday morning and headed to a really good friends wedding. We partied all night and i got home at 5 this morning, dumb, coz i had to be at work at 10.
In a few words, its been a really long week and i just couldn't get up off of the sexy boyf's couch and get dolled up and make like a banana and split the dance floor!


So..i stayed in. And the boyf is out..


Now, let me tell you something, this is not what i was expecting i would be doing tonight. When i brought up the fact that i wasn't gonna go out tonight, i expected my loving, sweet, sexy man to be all:
"aw shame baby, I'll stay in with you, it wont be fun without you"

but instead i got:
"aw shame, here, I'll order Chinese (food) for you and I'm gonna tell the boys we can finally have a boys night...how great ha?!"

I know, I'm such a girl. I should have just told him i wanted him to do. Anyway, its too late now, and now I'm stuck here watching "Ghost Hunters" on the reality channel (ps..I'm terrified of the dark).


Anywho, onto more pressing issues and MUCH more interesting things...Sunday is my birthday!
And tomorrow is the MTV African Music Awards, and I'm totally going to Abuja tomorrow. I'm supper excited about the bday, its gonna be GOLD!..

i present to you...

The Top 5 things I'm gonna be smiling about on Monday (in a perfect world):

1. The fact that i decided to take Monday off work because i knew i would have a hang over the size of China having been drunk since Saturday morning.
2. The Cute puppy that the boyf got me for my birthday, that he's gonna give to me when we get back from Abuja.
3. Having met Kelly Rowland and she realises that we are like destined to be BFFs and swap numbers, and she invites me to her New Years Eve party where Beyonce and JayZ will be there and then we'll all be cool with each other.
4. The Diamond necklace that my dad got for me.
5. The boyf is totally gonna be licking my ass for leaving me at home by myself on Friday because he didn't get any the whole weekend and therefore got me that Dior watch I've wanted for a while!
6. I know...i said 5 but dude, MUNYA SOOOOOOO has to win Big Brother Africa!! WooHoo!

That's it for now.

OK, I'm gonna watch one of my fave movies: "The Devil Wears Prada", hopefully it will keep my mind off the stupid Ghost Hunter's thing, then I'll put my phone on silent and wake up tomorrow morning and find the boyf asleep at the guard's station coz i didn't wake up to let him into the house coz guess what...lady marmalade (that's who takes care of all karmic payback for women...u didn't know this???) threw me a pity bone and made the dumb-ass-hot-ass-shit (with flies) boyf forget his house keys with me!! LOSER!!!

Have a pleasant weekend cyber Bffs!

*Unwritten*

the one where i went to jozi..and took my baggage with me..

Its me!!!!

how is everyone doing?! I mean, i have to confess though, i know how everyone is doing coz well...i've just caught up on my blog reading!
Man, i feel like my life is one big YAWN compared to all yall!

Ok, so first things first, i just got back from jozi, i was there over the weekend. Ugh, as much as i heart jozi, i feel like i have to write a personal email to M.N. (mother nature)...seriously, the summer clothes are out, and im there to cause some serious damage to my under utilised credit card (imagine??--well, that's what happens when you live in Nigeria and cant use the Internet to purchase things and all you can do is resort to watching eBay auctions and wish you were bidding, but instead pick a team and hope that zero-pounds from Virginia gets the Versace dress!) and the weather is a measly 19degrees and its raining. Ugh.
But that didn't stop me from drinking alcohol like a college kid and dancing like i was alone in my room pretending to be Cameron Diaz in Charlies Angels (formal apology to all those who had to witness this..really, I'm truly sorry).

Because i only get to go shopping in jozi maybe once every two months or so, i am meticulous with my plan. I hit up Eastgate...and then head to the Rose. I hit up the Truworths and the Woolworths and Y.D.E and boutiques first...and then when i see that i only have R500 between me and walking back to OR Tambo Int Airport i head straight for MR PRICE where i spend every last dime and come out of there with double what i got in the other stores and 10kg excess baggage...i love travelling alone and doing things like this alone. Its so theraputic i reckon

This time though, was a little different for me...i came with my own extra baggage (not counting the F*cking 6 kilos i've gained in the last 3 months---even though I've been hittin the gym every other other day or so...ish)...i brought another human being with me...THE BOYF.

Now, listen, this is the first time i have ever travelled with a significant other...and i think it went pretty well. Let me re-phrase that... we only had 3 awkward moments...2 squabbles (read: arguments that could have escalated into huge fights if we weren't in another country and in the presence of other normal human beings)...got lost twice and i discovered 2 MAJOR personality flaws about the boyf.

Yup. I travelled with the boyf. Now, bear in mind, we have only been together for almost 3 months and things have been moving pretty fast. So, here's how this came about.

I say "oh man, i have 3 weddings coming up and i totally need to go shopping, not to mention, i need to get out of Lagos"....the boyf: "awesome, i'll come with you!"...me: "hahahahahahaha" the boyf: "cool, shall we stay with my brother or a hotel or your friends??"... first realisation about the boyf: HE'S A PLANNER!!

Now, I'm not sure if any of you have ever travelled with a significant other, but this being my first time, i was way out of my comfort zone. We left Lagos on wed last week and got back Sunday evening, but i only finally relaxed around Sunday morning!!

There were just too many things to deal with, and i was constantly having (mental) freak outs every hour.
I mean, we had a blast and I'm sure he really enjoyed himself with me but i wonder how relaxed he was. He got to meet my (judgey) South African and Zimbabwean pals and i got to meet his (judgey--i assume) brother who lives in jozi.

Now, this brother of his lives in Morningside, and he INSISTED (read: practically blackmailed and put a gun to my head) that we stay at his place for one night. That wasn't the worst bit though...nope. He lives with his Ethiopian (beautiful) girlfriend.
Now, we show up at their house on our last night in jozi (saturday) and i immediately notice the elephant in the room...these two were embroiled in the biggest fight i have ever not been a part of. (just as a side note, i had met them the night before and immediately made the mental observation that HE is WAAAAY more in love with this girl than she is with him)
Anyway, so we show up and they aren't even talking to each other. GREAT. So we go into our room and i look at the Boyf with my all-knowing-wise-ass look and say "and u think this is gonna be fun?"..in retrospect, this was not a wise thing for me to say. The last thing we needed was for us to be fighting and our hosts to be near killing each other.

Anywho, (this is a long story but i have to share...i cant believe i lived through this), we had planned to go to a party that The brothers' close friend was throwing...fair enough. Needless to say, the boyf's brother and his Mrs are not even talking and are using the boyf and i to communicate. I have to say, the tension was getting to me, so i pulled the boyf aside at the party and told him this was making me uncomfortable...he didn't seem phased at all. "you're gonna have to grin and bear it coz we're staying with them and my brother really loves this girl"

So, at like 3 we leave the party and the Future sister in law is driving coz the boys were wasted...and im in the passenger seat in front..she turns to me and says.. in a voice louder than is necessary "You guys are more than welcome to have sex in our house, it'll be the first hard on and real orgasm in the house in three months"...Needless to say i didn't say A THING. Meanwhile, alcohol fuelled boyf (mine) in the back laughs REALLY loud and says oh please, girl, maybe u should shave your mustache and he'll be attracted to you ha?!

Second realisation about the boyf: HE JUST HAS TO HAS, TO HAS TO SPEAK WHEN I NEED HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP...EVEN IF ITS TRUE...

ps.. YES...we did have sex--incase you were wondering.



All in all the trip was fun...and we had a blast. Apart from the "babe-you're gonna spend R700 on shoes?" and "babe, I'm hungry" (every 2 hours) "babe ugh, is there a chair in here" and "babe, the first one you tried on was the nicest one"..the boyf and i really had a bonding experience and i completely appreciated his amazing need to take care of me and make me laugh and not stop me from spending insane amounts of money at Nine West, and making my (judgey) friends laugh.


oh boy...i think I'm in love.

*UNWRITTEN*

Ugh, could i really be any worse (or happier)?

Hey guys,

I just needed to say that im in the process of a HUGE move and phase change in my life and i have found it practically impossible to find time to read my fave blogs let alone update my first and true love!!


I have so much to tell and yet i have only three minutes to spare to write this short message to say that i love the blogosphere and all my amazing bloggers!

As soon as im settled and sorted i will let you all know the details...because...this new phase in the most interesting, funny, dramatic and all out ME of my life!!


back soon i swear!!

The one where i apologise for being the absentee blogger

Hey there..



I know. I'm a sucky blogger person and i should be prosecuted. but...i have an excuse...



I've been all over the continent with this part time job I'm doing that's really amazingly awesome!

So, firstly, congratulate me on the part time j.o.b. (thanks) and now things are all in order for me to start Grad school in Feb!

So, i don't really know how to update and blah blah, so I'm gonna just get back to what i do best...MAKE A LIST!!



presenting...THE 12 (im into random numbers OK) MOST INTERESTING THINGS I HAVENT BLOGGED ABOUT LATELY...

1. I got a new (part time) job at a radio station, 3 days after my last day at my old (and totally depressing) job.


2. I've started driving around Lagos. Not without drama and bitch-fit-road-rage! Its been an experience to be honest, and i now realise that if i can drive here, i can drive ANYWHERE in the world. I promise. Although i only drive at non-peak times, its been quite freeing to be able to just up and go anywhere i want anytime i want to.


3. One of my really, really good friends is pregnant!! and she's having a boy!! The funny thing about this is that she told all of us her good friends separately and told us not to tell a soul. So we all knew, and had to pretend to each other that we didn't know! I have to say, seeing her baby bump and seeing her finally just sort of mature over night and become this nurturing being, makes me hear my clock a little louder than usual....and then i snap back into reality and realise that i don't actually need/want a baby until I'm late 20s...so STOP it internal baby making machine, don't make me sedate you and starve you of baby making activities!!


4. I just got back from Ghana...ah, it was amazing. Im totally a seaside person and even though i hate my bikini body, i love being in the ocean, i tried to describe the feeling i get when im in the ocean to someone and this is what i could come up with, its that feeling that if i let go...and just float, i could be lost forever. Is that strange or WHAT? Im deep! lol


5. I got the most fabulous pair of Nine West shoes. Really though, they'll melt your heart.


6. I bought season 1 and 2 of THE HILLS and have realised that i have a strange addiction to this show that cannot even begin to be explained because i have nothing in common with ANY single character on that show and i can't stand most of the characters. But i heart that show sooooo much. (and i have to say i cannot believe lauren chose spending summer with JASON over going to PARIS!!!)


7. I went to a party where the hosts made us take of our shoes at the door because they didnt want us to bring in dirt...fair enough, but unlike that one sex and the city episode, no one's shoes went missing..ah no...instead, the people's dogs snuck into the house and chewed up 3/4 of the guests shoes. I couldnt help but roll around the living room in fits of laughter.


8. I became a celebrity. Well, not really, but i did make the worst dressed list (and i cant believe in blogging about it). I went to this really high profile guy's birthday party and wore my killer sass and bide dress that i got as a birthday gift to myself last year. Its a combination of sparkle and sass and its a bit on the short side. Even if i do say so myself, i looked like 1/2 a million dollars. And the next thing i know, two sundays ago, in the style pages of one of Nigeria's top magazines...heading: "what not to wear". I mean, well, watever, that didnt faze me at all (liar) , but what did annoy me was the fact that they had the nerve to say "she's pretty but the dress is not"...mother bitches. Every last one of them!


9. I suspect someone i met recently in lagos may read my blog...just be the things they said about this blog they read but i didnt get enough time to grill him about the name of the blog, it all just seemed too close for comfort and i had this feeling down my spine the whole time...for the first time i contemplated what it would be like to have people i know know me read me blog...hmmmm...ok, no. No thanks.


10. The first night i quit my job..I met a boy...Scratch that, i met A MAN!!! And i had lock jaw from salivating over him the whole WORK dinner party...and the added bonus...he was salivating even more over me!


11. This man...he got my number, and talked on the phone for a total of 20 hours before we went on our first date...and i threw up before he picked me up because i couldnt stand the butterflies in my stomach. And then he got there, and i saw him again and he was even more attractive than i remembered and we talked as if we were old friends...and we laughed (the Merlot helped with the jokes obv) and after that ONE date, this amazing man became by boyfriend. I freaked out the next day coz i thought it was all happening waaaaay toooo fast so i called my best friend bumble bee in australia and as usual she gave me her pearls of wisdom.."what the fuck are you freaking out about, let go, relax, see where this takes you coz even though i cannot see your face...i hear your voice and i've never heard such joy in it before. Wouldnt you rather see how it goes than always regret it??...now, lets set a wedding date ha?". So there it is. I have a boyfriend, who is amazingly willing to deal with my freak out sessions(they've stopped now...well, now i just do it in my room)...and really, really wants to be with me. Im happy. And the weirdest thing...i have never had so much faith in myself being with this man..if that makes any sense. Anyway, i dont want this to be all about my boyf..(swooney shall we call him?)..i am not going to become one of THOSE girls!
12. I'm still hitting up le gym people, its been almost a month and i've only skipped the times i've been outta the country! Woooo hooo, i even got to try on a pair of jeans one size down...look-i said try i didnt say they fit but i tried them on...and thats all that counts baby!!

So, now that we're all caught up and i feel like im not gonna get lynched by the blogging community for not being present...i gotta go home and pack. Im jetting off to South Africa and Zimbabwe for the next 2 weeks.

Also, in Nigeria this coming weekend is a LONG weekend,. Long im capitals because the next time people have to report for work is...THURSDAY!! yup...LONG ASS WEEKEND!! sadly i wont be around for the whole thing, but i am here tonight and i know its gonna be a RIIPPPPPEEERRR!!!

so, im gonna go pack and do my make up BEFORE i start pre-drinking by myself (no judgement people)...coz i have done the drinking before both activities and its not a pretty sight!

Have a very very pleasant weekend my blog-friends...

*unwritten*

the one with the gym and a single gal

OK, so i joined the gym.

finally i can stop complaining about how fat i am coz..well, i have no excuse now do i? well, that's debatable.


Point is, i have joined the gym and since Monday (yes, 3 days) i have been there first thing every morning getting my treadmill (20min) and StairMaster (10min) on.

oh, and Its not fun. Actually, scratch that, it fucken sucks ass. and it hurts like hell the first few weeks/months/forever.

And you know what's worse? The fact that i totally feel entitled to eat all the shit under the sun. You know, before i joined and started going to the gym, i was being all "oh, i can't eat that coz i am not doing any exercise", but now, i work out every morning (3 days mind u) and I'm all "oh, i can eat that coz I'm working out now", and then its fried chicken for lunch, pasta for dinner (Monday) and chocolate brownies at 10pm.


oh and a whole kitkat peanut butter. Shit man. I don't know whats worse, not going to the gym and suffering or bloody eating like a rabbit.



ugh. fat if i do. fat if i don't.


In other News:

There's been a new development in my life the last few days (that explains the last post) and i didn't feel like blogging about it A. and B. i haven't really stopped to really examine it in full depth. but basically this is it..I'M SINGLE AGAIN





Now, i mean, there could be a lot of explanations and long ass stories from a lot of people as to how this happened or why but the bottom line is..I GOT DUMPED.


yup. I WAS DUMPED.


Now, look, i can honestly say that i have not allowed myself to be sad about this. I mean, i really like editor boy, and he still wanted to hold my hand and squeeze me and cuddle me and whatnot even after this, but at the end there he blind-sided me and this i don't know where i'm at on it.



U know what, I'm mostly just disappointed he ended it the way he did. Because i don't doubt he's a great guy. he is. and he's smart and funny and really good in bed. But still, a phone call at 11.30pm on saturday and that's it? The explanation i asked for was declined.
"i don't want to hurt you"...yup, but calling me while I'm asleep (yes i was asleep at 11.30pm on Saturday..don't judge y'all) is not gonna hurt my feelings is it? and then not answering and not returning my call(s) won't make me feel really crappy?


I'm feeling a little like Carrie when she got dumped on a post-it.


Except I'm not particularly angry, like i said, I'm disappointed that he went and behaved like the kind of guy that broke my heart the last time i dated.


The one thing i can be sure of is that there will be no tears shed here. Not.Gonna.Happen.


I just have to say. What's a girl gotta do around here to get an honest guy. I mean, I'm not gonna start to say horrible things about him because he dumped me. I know he's a nice guy, and i really had a great time with him.


Really though. I mean, I'm not one of those people who gives my heart really quickly, or dives right into the realm of a man who so much as shows interest in me, but we just clicked. And to be honest, out of all the men I've met here in Lagos, he seemed the most honest and sweet. And so you'll forgive me if this has come as somewhat of a shock. Yea, yea, we weren't "together" for that long, but what was, felt like years. Sad. I.Know.



Maybe i just.didn't.know.him.


One the bright side, 13 days till i don't have to work here anymore!


oh, and I'm single again...

*unwritten*

the one with a random update

I actually don't have much on my mind at the moment. Not because im on the single gal path again, but because i just really don't have any news!
Lets see..this is pretty much all i could come up with...


Weekend Highlight:
Friday night insanity with the ladies consisting of 5 too many glasses of champagne, table dances and drunken texts.

Weekend Lowlight:
Waking Up Saturday Morning with no hangover but 7 drunken texts to the former crush that looked like this "ranks aor jks haha" NO.JOKE.

Monday Highlight:
Lunch..2 big pieces of fried chicken..hmmm

Monday Lowlight:
The conversation i just had with the editor..ugh

Relationship Status: critical
The ball is in my court apparantly..which we both know pretty much means, im too much of a pussy to break your heart to your face/straight up so i'll ignore you and push you to temporary insanity and make you end things..men. PUH.

Wearing:
Tight Black Skirt (YDE), Long Sleeved black button down (Woolworths), Black Heels (WoolWorths) LOTS of black eyeliner (MAC)...no color on me whatsoever.

Feeling:
like having a choc brownie with HEAPS of vanilla ice-cream..hmmmm

Loving:
THE HILLS. loving to pretend i hate it.

oh, the mayjah announcement is...

I SENT IN MY RESIGNATION LETTER TODAY!!

count down...2 WEEKS...

*unwritten*

The one with the audacity of hope..aka. my opinion rant numero uno

Lets just have one huge HEARTY..:

WOOOZZZAAA WEEKEND!!!!!!!

I cannot begin to express the joy spilling from my entire being at waking up this morning and realised..OMFG..its Friday! And i knew someecards would have the best card..hence

c'mon people, lets be honest. these cards are the coolest thing since Google...and blogger of course

Last night i went to dinner with my daddy.

It was cool to just spend time with my old man.

At the table next to us was a family celebrating Grandma's 80th bday and natch grandma, daughter and gran daughter were there. And gran daughter's kid was there as well, it was all very sweet. 4 generations. I was feeling an appreciation for God and the miracle of life and how we all start out so tiny and look at us now..

unwritten: wow, isn't that amazing, the miracle of life? i mean wow, don't you just get all emotional thinking how i used to be so tiny and now look at me, its amazing isn't it?

unwritten's dad: what's amazing is how I've survived 23 years with very few suicidal thoughts and mild alcoholism. That's what the miracle is.

i don't care what they say, i know he loves me.

On a more serious note yo...

Last night i slept over at my editor boy's place. Now, you know those people in Lagos who are driving around with Obama bumper stickers and have about 10 shirts that say the same thing that they wear everywhere, and who will make every conversation end up being about how "passionate" Senator Obama is..that's my editor boy. Its gotten so bad that if i wanna be in there with a chance of having sex, i have to put CNN on as an aphrodisiac...yes, he's that obsessed.

Anywho..OK, so he warned me that we would be getting up at 3am...WTF?? you might ask...why, Barack Obama's acceptance of the democratic nomination of course.

If you didn't see it (which is likely unless you live in the states), and you actually give a damn (which i wouldn't judge...but c'mon??!!!)...then make the effort. I found it super worth while watching that speech..

I always said that there is no reason for me to have any passionate feelings about their politics and policies and especially their elections. I mean, i have to say, my faith in the American voting system (and Americans in general) took a nose dive in 2000, just when i was realising that politics is pretty interesting to me.

...and then those elections happened, and i was in Zim at the time...and you can pretty much see where this is going yea? To make matters worse, in 2004 i assumed, the people of the great nation-the land of dreams would wake up and realise what an idiot George W is..but then they voted him back and i just realised that, yes--American politics affects every single in the world directly or indirectly--but they obviously don't know the power they have or the privilege they are presented with by being legible to vote in America, so screw them. I don't care anymore.

And then, one afternoon, I'm watching Oprah and her senator (Illinois) came on with his beautiful wife to promote his book "The Audacity Of Hope"...and Oprah point blank asked the Senator.."are you gonna run for president?" and he declined to answer. I have to say..i think we all knew he was gonna do it.

Now, a few years later, he has won the Democratic nomination and he's spearheading a campaign that promises one thing to America (and indirectly-the world) one thing: CHANGE.

There was a little spark ignited in me when he won the party nomination, but in all honesty it was a tough one to call. I can honestly say that, had Hilary won the nomination, it would have been a huge step for women everywhere...but making me choose was like making me choose if i am black before i am a woman..i am both at exactly the same time.

Now, all of a sudden, the inner politico in me is fired up and feeling a need to follow this race with as much anticipation as i have awaiting the next season of "The Hills" (don't judge yo).

I have to say, all my scepticism aside, the Americans need to get up there, and be counted. If 8 years of George W and the War are not enough to get you to crave a change, a different opinion, then Americans, consider this.

Will you please take off your rose coloured/ignorance glasses (in all fairness, not all of you are still wearing these) and look at the rest of the world. I can name, off the top of my head, more then 10 countries where people would be in physical danger for endorsing and openly acknowledging their alliance to a political party, where people have never heard the phrase "your vote counts"..or people who would die to actually know for sure that their vote really does count.

I say this, as a 22year old who has never voted, and as long as things are still this way, will never see the need in casting a vote. (in zim)

Watching Senator Obama give this inspirational speech, i couldn't help but think about how much Africa needs a man like that. I mean, hey, we are blessed to have Madiba, and Tutu and the Late Mwanawasa among others, and they done all they can, and even as Madiba has said they (his generation) have done all they can and "now it is up to the next generation to make use of our hard work and raise up worthy leaders of their own" . I agree. But c'mon, its not looking promising is it?

I mean, there are obviously some people who will come up and make a difference, we know that, but would they hurry up already? I cannot wait to see such an inspired African on our continent. A man (or woman) who would make people overflow with hope and ignite a movement of Africans who believe that a change they can truly believe in is one vote away. That would be amazing for this continent. We need change we can believe in much sooner than we care to acknowledge.

I mean, obviously, it would be truly historic if Obama was elected...but regardless, even the McCain supporters need to get their vote on. Its a privilege to be told, and truly know that every vote counts. Its not the land of the free and the home of the brave for no reason now is it?

I wish i could believe in the politicians closer to home the way i do Obama.

Here's to an amazing weekend. It goes without saying the rest is well deserved, even if i did put off 90% of my work load till next week. Thus screwing myself in the process.

*unwritten*

The one where i am a mentor..

Hello world,

Its good to be back..dammit, its been like ten years.

I have to say this again, i am so in love with blogging that when i don't, i feel like my therapy session if waaaay overdue, and i start behaving like a mad woman-which comes more naturally than i like to acknowledge.

The working world has not been kind to me, its been event after dinner after meeting after meeting and e.t.c.

Basically, because i work for a South African organisation, and there are only 3 South Africans who are posted to this office, one is the legal advisor and the other is my immediate boss who is always out or in Pretoria (what the point of sending him here was i will never know), that leaves me as the only other South(ern) African working here and thus responsible for any (read: ALL) communication and interaction with any foreign people we deal with.

Not because the powers that be in Pretoria feel its for the good of the companies rep..no, just because the immediate boss couldn't give a fuck. So he just passes all that shit to me.

I mean, i LOVE meeting people, and i have always said that I'm in my element when i have to deal with people who i have never met before I just rock at that shit (not to be humble or anything!), but--call me an alcoholic-- but i suffer every time i attend a function on behalf of my boss and i cannot constantly fill my glass with red wine because I'm "working"...if the booze is there people, its there to be drunk. No?

The other problem is that its EXHAUSTING! I have had event after event to plan, i planned a surprise birthday party and even got so corporate i flew to Abuja (capital city) for literally 5 hours to hit up a meeting and got right back on the flight back to Lagos. How awesome am I feeling...

Anywho, about the trip to Abuja i had the best time, i really felt like a business person. I had to be at the airport at 6am, and got access to the business class lounge. I was on the flight back to lagos at 1500hr and headed straight to the office.

Sooo On the flight, i sat next to this American dude who was cute as hell, and he too was going to Abuja for the day.

Turns out, we were going to the same meeting.

Let me just tell you that there is something magically awkward about flirting with a cute as hell man for an hour, and then walking into the meeting room and finding him sitting across the room from you...ahhh. Even better..he was on the flight back with me but we didnt sit next to each other. When the flight landed i was so shocked at how good looking he was after not seeing his face for an hour that the first thing that came out of my mouth was

"jesus, thank Goodness for poverty in africa, or we would never have attended that meeting".

altogether now..IDIOT!

Needless to say we exchanged numbers and let the flirty texts begin. I mean, nothing will happen with him (well, i mean obv, coz i have my ed boy) but its fun to have someone from the work world who looks like Will Smith (i.kid.u.not) to be friends with. But i Digress.

I heart my work these days, even though its demanding i feel challenged and i am getting much better at dealing with the Nigerian people in a business setting. Even though i am dealing mainly with ex-pats these days.

Anyway, i have finally gotten a bit of a break coz i have been handed some help in the form of a new assistant in the Pretoria office who is here for 2 weeks, and because i am the youngest person in the vicinity, the office people thought that they would stick us together and we would get along like a house on fire (is this really a good analogy after my last post?)..lucky for the both of us, they were right.

She got here on Monday and she's the prettiest thing, and so sweet, and stylish and boy does she hate her job! So, natch, we have soooooooo much to talk about! I predict a great future for our friendship.

Anywho, we're covering a few meetings and events which is great, and even better is i can take her around socially as well. Last night we hit up happy hour after a meeting that ended at 7.30pm and we sat there and bitched about EVERYONE of our bosses. And filled each other in on our respective office goss, ahhh, good times! *(just as a side note, lagos totally rocks the work drama..we have office quickies and husband stealing, where pretoria has client humping and theft..puh )*

I feel like her big sister, no..her mentor. When she can't understand the Nigerians i translate, and when she needed to find a good pharmacy, i took her, lunch? she asks me. Names? she looks to me. I feel so needed! i know as a fact that she would be having a much harder time if i wasn't there (well, it helps me sleep better at night when i tell myself this). She particularly made my life when she told me "eveyone talks about how cool it is that you have become so relevant at the lagos office. I think thats really admirable, considering how hard it seems to be...and you have amazing style" (fine, i made up the style thing...and i paraphrased, but you get the picture ok).

The ONLY thing I'm worried about is that when i take her out this weekend and i get completely smashed, I'll tell her about my blog and that the mole on her neck really bugs me...fingers crossed that doesn't happen y'all.

Before i head back to being an amazing big sister/mentor/go to girl/awesome i have to share this. I have sooooo many Muslim friends, and Ramadan is coming up, so i sent them all this card:

Please tell me this is the funniest shit!

*unwritten*

The one where i almost died*

*slight exaggeration

WARNING..THIS IS AN EXTREMELY LONG POST

So, there was some mad ass drama at my house this morning. Before i get to that harrowing experience, i have to say,

I think the thing about living in Nigeria---esp Lagos that people don't get (until they get here) is that Africa Magic is in now way shape or form omitting ANYTHING about what life in Nigeria is like. What they do neglect to portray is the utter confusion and havoc that is a day grind in this place. Its just such ridiculous stuff that you just have to stop and laugh, Compose yourself and then go about your business. For example:

last night was my good friend SWAY's birthday, so we decided to get the crew together and go out for dinner to a real swanky Italian restaurant.

I mean, this place is nice and classy and most of the ex-pat contingent was there. (just as a side note, out of the whole table of 12, there was only one Nigerian, and she herself is half American) so you'd expect impeccable service and great food (u know what, the food was actually good)..anyway, we get there, and we get the menu. As we plan to get absolutely shit faced (which we did), we took a look at the wine list..

Waiter: here is you wine list

SWAY: well, from experience, i know that this is a joke and you prob don't have any of these wines, so how about we skip the dance and you tell me what you have..

Waiter: everything is there

SWAY: are you sure?

waiter: seriously aunty, everything is there

SWAY: OK, we'll have this white and this red.

the waiter goes off, 20min later..(as if you don't know whats coming..)

AUNTY, THOSE WINES YOU SELECTED ARE NOT IN STOCK...

which ones do you have?

AUNTY, WE ONLY HAVE THIS ONE AND THIS ONE..

stop, laugh and keep going.

Anyway, so on the big, "i almost died today" news..

the apartment we live in almost burnt down today.

Well, basically this is what happened:

I woke up this morning with a jolt--i was having a nightmare, so i was a bit shaken. Look over to the alarm clock..its 5.45am. Dammit, i hate when that happens coz i usually set my alarm for 6am. So I'm lying there in a bit of a daze, my night lamp is off (I'm afraid of the dark people)--which means that there is no NEPA (Nigerian equivalent to ESKOM)..but after like 30 secs, i realise that the generator has not kicked in...hmm. But I'm still in a daze and glad the nightmare wasn't real when my phone rings

its our cook...i answer very hazily and the next thing i hear is a panicky voice

AUNTY..WHERE ARE YOU..GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE!!!!!

(mind you, the smoke detectors have no made a peep!)

now, this has always been one of my worst fears. Fire in the building. So, i hear my dad and step mom in the corridor discussing going down to tell them to switch on the generator.

I get up, and tell them that the house help (not maid -coz he's a guy...) just called me to tell me there is a fire. But there is no noise and the smoke detectors haven't made a sound (looking back, that was a little presumptuous and very ex-pat of us to assume they worked) and there is absolutely no sign of smoke...so i walk to the front door, and the minute i open it..the amount of smoke coming through almost choked me.

By now...I'm in full on panic mode (internally)...i mean the minute 16yr old girl who manages my brain was screaming "abandon ship...jump"

..but i was outwardly really calm.

I closed the door. Locked it. Grabbed the couch cover rolled it at the bottom of the door. Told the parentals that there was in fact a fire..and then calmly went to my room, got my phone (meanwhile..the girl in my brain was screaming: what the fuck bitch..you're gonna get stuck in here if this building explodes because you had to get your blackberry??)..then get the keys for the back door off the hook and put some shoes on.

So, we get downstairs and the neighbours are all there.

The french dude who lives below us is in MAYJAH panic mode. He's all tears and shit, and i totally sympathise because nothing was being done quick enough (read: at all) to save his possessions..this was mainly because:

• the property manager who has a house on site...was out. and his phone was off. of course.
• out of 4 security guards that are on duty at a time...there was only ONE present..why? the rest had bolted. GONE
• the nearest fire station to our place is a 15 min drive away and there was no one in the vicinity who had any idea of how to reach them except drive there.

Again, my reaction shocked me.

I told the house helps and the ONE security guard to remove the diesel from the premises immediately. (honestly, i don't know how i thought to do this)

We then sent one of the drivers to go to the fire house and tell them to come asap.

In the meantime, a crowd had gathered outside...people staring as this poor man's possessions burnt down.

After about 15min, the driver who went to the fire station calls and says he has to go to the other one (10min away from where he was already) because the trucks at the first station have no diesel to move anywhere...WELCOME TO FUCKING LAGOS BITCHES.

So, we told him to first ask if they could radio ahead.."NO THEY HAVE NO NEPA...SO THEY CANNOT LOCATE THE RADIOS.."

In the meantime, my step-mom is freeee.king. OUT. The woman is just havoc. I mean, you would have thought it was her place burning. I mean, of course we were worried the fire would spread, but the french neighbour kept assuring us he did his best to contain it.

He managed to tell me that he awoke to smoke in his house, opened the door to his living room and the air conditioner (which was not even on mind you) was literally sparking..so he called the security and they told him to "GO AND SWITCH IT OFF"..i mean..WHAT??

So anyway, in the meantime, i call my pal who lives a couple of minutes from me, and say this

OMG JOURNO FRIEND, MY HOUSE IN BURNING DOWN AND I'M STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STREET FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, PLEASE COME OVER

to which he replied

OMG, AND YOU SAVED YOUR BLACKBERRY FIRST??

Anywho, he shows up..(what a sweety..he still looked asleep when he got there)..and he starts to communicate with people in yoruba. I think that it was just calming to have a familiar face around.

And he managed to actually calm the step-parental's nerves.

So, the worst bit was when the french man just announced he was dashing in to try and save some stuff...we all advised him against it, but he had desperation in his voice and it consumed him. He went in there, he was there for about 5 min..thank God he made it out alive, but as i watched him hacking, i couldn't help but feel great sadness and guilt. Sadness because, imagine, you're a french guy brought here to LAGOS NIGERIA by work, you FINALLY ship your shit over (which can get stuck at the port for months) only to have it all burn away all because of an electrician who had no idea what he was doing.

Guilt because i couldn't stop thinking to myself how grateful i was that it wasn't us.

So, we soon found out that it wasn't as dire as we thought, it was just that one of the poor french guy's air cons went kookoo, and because of poor wiring in the house, three others caught on fire as well. Basically we were lucky that nothing else caught on fire. The french dude's house was badly burnt, but last i heard it was only in the living/dining area.

We were out there for 3 hours so i only managed to get to work at 11am.

the first thing my not-even-by-boss says to me??

GOOD AFTERNOON MISS UNWRITTEN. I WISH I HAD YOUR KOOSHY JOB, THEN I COULD JUST STROLL IN ANYTIME I WANT.

i was so tempted to tell him the story, but i decided against it coz i knew that him hearing the story from someone else would make him feel like more of an ass.

I was ryt. he sent me an email asking if i wanted him to order lunch for me when he was ordering for himself. LOSER.

I just got off the phone with my editor boy and he really hit home with an excellent observation he made:

"funny, you called your male friend first and you haven't called me till now to tell me that you almost died (slight exaggeration)...how high am i on your list of priorities?"..i really don't want to deal with this right now. even if he is right.

glad to still be with you

*unwritten*

the one with an intimate letter

TO MY LOVELY LADYBUG..

hi mama.

I know its quite strange that this letter isn't being written in my diary this year, but i figure its still written right? and mom, really, we have to keep up with the times!

Isn't it weird that its been 11 years of birthday letters... And now, every time it comes by, for weeks prior all i can think about is what i would get for you if you were still here.

Many might think that its strange that 11 years have passed and i still celebrate for you, but i don't think its strange, and i sure as heck know you don't think its strange, that's who we are ha?!

Anyway, i was doing my research, and i have found a present that i would get you if you were here...SPANX. I'm not saying you're fat, but every woman needs a pair mama, and even Oprah wears them, and i know that would be the one fact that would make you secretly wear them, even if you act like you are offended i got them for you. Joker. You know what else. I would probably get an outfir made for you from amazing Ghanaian cloth. I know you'd sooo appreciate it. Also, i would so get you the Leona Lewis CD called "SPIRIT", you'd love it darling.

Also, being that we are in Lagos now, we wouldn't be able be have our annual KFC binge, but i have a feeling dad would have flown us to Jozi for the weekend anyway.

I used to look soooooo forward to having those binges (maybe binge is the wrong word?)..because your birthday was the only day of the year that anyone in our family was allowed to have junk (that you knew of).

What im sure you miss most is the (burnt) breakfast in bed that daddy used to make for you. Again, thank you for ensuring he became a master chef when he grew up, because God knows how much i need his help on Sundays when i cannot even step foot in the kitchen without needing to leg it to the bathroom to chundah (Australian for throw up).

Mama, i have to say, i know you worry endlessly about what goes on when I'm by myself, those few minutes before i fall asleep. It's gonna stop, i promise you. Its just, as you know, it hasn't been an easy road getting to this point where the thought of the things we missed does not affect me to the point where i had to throw myself into places and situations where people gave me attention that i thought was love. We know we're past that. Today, in no way shape or form are we gonna be sad. You have my promise, im not gonna shed a tear today, what for? Its the day you were born, we're gonna party like its 1964!

I gotta say, you'll be glad to know that i still use that lipstick technique you taught me when i was 9 and a little too young to be wearing make up. Those mama and me modelling classes were fun werent they? Of course, you were the model, not me, i just went coz i loved seeing you dressed up and in your element. I still watch Miss Universe and Miss World religiously, that was our thing wasn't it.

You'll also be extremely proud to know that even though we never went into much depth about boys and sex i still have no qualms telling a man to fuck off (my words not yours obv). Stop laughing mama, coz there is a boy in picture now, he's sweet and really seems to like me.

Basically mama, on this day that would be your 44th Birthday, (we would tell everyone you're 40 and that I'm your sister.) i just wanna let you know that you are ALWAYS on my mind. I also need you to know that i know you're around, you know i know, that's why you do sweet things to remind me like ladybugs landing on me more often than anyone i know and like the sudden bursts of warmth i feel embracing me when I'm sad.

So, here's to you my exquisite mama.

In the short as hell 33 years of life that zoomed past in what seemed a blink of an eye you managed to leave the world not only with such a beautiful grace, but such positivity that even those who never knew you see your humility and infectious joy through your captivating eyes in pictures.

In the short 11 years we knew each other we sure did have our ups and downs, but, almost as if we knew we had such a limited time together we packed so much laughter and joy into everyday we spent together, and if you recall we barely left each other's side.

We will both always feel as though those 11 years were not enough, but just think of our lives if we had never known each other at all.

Happy birthday strong woman.

I miss you more than you will ever know, and thank you for showing me a glimpse of motherly love. Even though i was too young to appreciate how much a mother means, if i turn out to be half the woman and mother you were, my life will be immensely worth while.

I keep your warm smile and gentle voice in my heart.

i love you mama.

Sweet Dreams my lady bug, until next year..

*unwritten*

Call me Ally McBeal..spanx a lot..

Dear God, monday Mornings are bitches arent they?

I just feel like today is gonna be a therapy day. You know, when you wish you had a real therapist to speak to you and tell you that you are in fact crazy but you're gettin help so you'll be fine. (or is that just me?)

Now, every woman goes through that phase when the weight has gotten to the ass and the "love-handles"/"muffin top" begin peeping over the top of our jeans... well, its started to happen to me. (let me just say...i haven't been doing anything to stop it!) It started a few weeks ago when my fave pair of jeans just sort of...well..started to feel A LOT tighter...and then as soon as i fastened the button..*POP* goes the flesh over the top.


So, this has really been worrying me..in that totally superficial way, and I've been trying everything to get people to call me thin.. (and trust me, there is nothing that annoys me more than a skinny girl who continuously calls herself fat in front of people who are not as skinny as her) Let me take you back.



It all started last weekend, I'm home alone eating nandos and feeling really fat. When, on came E! most stylicious red something or another.

Anywho..they had all the stars saying how much the ..and then, a friend of mine made an announcement that would change our lives forever..she said..


"I'M GOING TO ATLANTA FOR BUSINESS OVER THE WEEKEND..YOU WANT ANYTHING?"

and i replied.. SPANX.SPANX.SPANX.


Look them up. AMAZING. AMAZING. They are a gift from heaven for women everywhere. I HIGHLY recommend them.



Anywho. The weekend was JAM packed. I swear, as i sit here, i am outta voice (thank you Jesus, i have an excuse to not speak). Seriously, my weekend was pretty much just sleep most of the day...out every night till 5/6am. Ah to be young and have an ample ass to shake.



I was invited to a birthday party for a very prominent Nigerian and it was OVER THE TOP. I'll have to write about it in another post, i have filed the pics under people will never believe you if you told them this shit actually happens. look out for that post soon!


Anyway, there were numerous parties that went down but these are SOME OF THE THINGS I LEARNT OVER THE WEEKEND presented by unwritten who got bored and has nothing else to do on a Monday morning:

ALLY McBEAL IS MY HERO: seriously, this chick rocks my world. I had never really watched the series because i was so clueless and all about Britney spears when it used to show. But i got the DVD from my editor boy with a note that said "you remind me of this chick..." on Friday. He was totally right. I am Ally McBeal (read: this is who i want to be when i grow up), except she's a lawyer, and she's white, and thin, and of course...she doesn't technically exist. Other wise, we're totally the same person. Basically, when I'm watching this show, something happens and i think, jeez, that's exactly what i would have done/said. Basically, she rocks, and even under all that blubbering mess she has a wicked sense of humour and is totally smart and has major romantic issues that make her behave like a crazy person.

ONE GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE AND I'M DANCING ON TABLES: now imagine how i would behave after 5 in one night(that was the last count)? This is in fact not something i am discovering for the first time, i know this. But champagne is my buddy, and so after 3 parties this weekend, i am going on a champagne diet. I cannot afford to continuously hop on tables and behave like i was raised in Inglewood California by drug dealing parents. seriously, esp now that i am about to be famous.

THE TWO SONGS THAT CAN TURN ME INTO A LEGIT CONTESTANT FOR "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE" ARE:
The Good Life by KANYE WEST and American Boy by ESTELLE.
Yup, that's about it from me for today. If i find myself needing therapy later, I'll post about the numerous job offers (not the good kind) i got over the weekend and how i got so plastered that if you asked me where Friday went i will reply "fuck me".

have a pleasant Monday (lol)
*unwritten*

The one where i became a superstar

First of all, dear VIM, i took your advice--well, sort of. I hope its OK now??





Yo, I've been going batty around here without my blog. Seriously, this shit is way too addictive and I've been feeling the withdrawal symptoms so bad that yesterday i wrote a report for the boss and at the end i wrote *unwritten*...

There have been a lot of improvements around here, and a lot of things that have managed to royally piss me off.





THE PISS-OFF CULPRITS:





NUMERO UNO. Unwritten's laptop had a diva moment and is now refusing to wake up for anything under $200. Bitch.


OK, granted my life doesn't suck, its still a lot to deal with this no laptop situation.




NUMERO DOS. The Disney Channel. I'm so fed up of freakin watching the same ass episodes of Hannah Montana (real name Miley Cyrus) and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. They have GOT to get updated. I'm going crazy here.




NUMERO TRES. Editor boy. Don't get me wrong, i dig him, but i get the feeling he doesn't realise that my age (or his) has nothing to do with the fact that i am totally neurotic. That, i got from genetics.




Also, lately, i have become the lady about town. I'm that person you see at lunch on Saturday, then at dinner, and then at the club and then brunch on Sunday and then the movies on Sunday evening (wanted to watch MAMA MIA but my editor boy felt emasculated and we watched BATMAN instead. Men.).
Editor boy says his sister is like me, and that he commonly refers to her as a social whore (she totally is!)..i laughed at the time, but writing it just made me realise he basically called me a whore too.
Anywho, he'll be glad he met me when he did, and that i totally laughed when he came out and called me a whore because all my (social) whoring has landed me a slot in the wide open celebrity world of...NOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!

That's right, the unwritten you know (and love obv) is weeks away from a role in a NOLLYWOOD TV series..
I was so jump out or my skin excited that i still don't know how i went into a karaoke party sober and came out shit-face drunk with an appointment for an audition for a TV show.
Anywho, long story short, i went in, i talked, brought on the charm and now...I'm gonna be famous!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since that day, i have been playing nickelback's ROCKSTAR on repeat and practising my autograph on almost anything.
And then editor boy had to burst my bubble (in case u hadn't noticed, the honeymoon is over coz he is all about the damn tough love--the chase is over.) and remind me that no one has become a worldwide superstar through nollywood (true) and that i will only appear on an episode around end of November, and that i still haven't even filmed a thing for them (him and his truth). Ugh, he's so lucky he's cute and likes to kiss me, or it would soooo be over. Regardless, i still had to really contemplate what will change in my life after i become huger than Oprah (not literally obv):

1. my name: jeez, my real name is so bland, i was contemplating changing it to something meaningful and powerful and that can be shortened to one word when i really hit it freakin big. U know, there's only ONE OPRAH, ANGIE, BRITNEY..u get it yea.
2. my friends. this obviously goes without saying but I'm gonna need to stop hanging with the sane people I've known forever and start being a (bigger and better) party girl. Obviously I'll need to get a drug dealer and a celeb boyf--obv someone a little more famous than me. Oh, and I'll definitely need a lawyer for when i get busted for DUI/Sued.
3. my story: i obv cant go around doing interviews and telling people i was too drunk when i got *discovered* to remember what happened. So, from now onwards i have to be really careful to remember every detail when I'm doing the vanity fair interview about how i was just cruising with the much more humble boy toy and how the producer noticed me when i dropped my glass of orange juice and picked up the glass pieces myself (this will showcase humility). Also, the other story to change will be my family background, seriously, only child born Mugabe's country is not dramatic enough, I'll need to begin to portray my dad as an aclo and my step mom as a money hungry whore who stole my dad's cash every time he passed out on the couch and spent the money on herself and so all i had growing up was myself and the dream of one day being an actress. Also, from now on, I'm totally in it for passion "i would be doing this even if i weren't being paid 2million naira an episode"
4. my hair two words POB and KATIE HOMLES..oh and RIHANNA (OK, three words or more)
5. i have to begin to appreciate twins.
6. this blog never happened: I'm soooooooo gonna deny any involvement in the blogging world.
7. i gotta stop wearing tracksuits and no make up to the grocery store: paparazzi, i vow to never let you catch me leave the house in anything unfabulous, and if i must wear tracksuits, I'm gonna be rocking that juicy couture like its my baby o.

Other than that, my life is gonna be exactly the same. I promise.

The only thing that is concerning me is if I'll have to act in a Nigerian accent or not...coz I'm thinking that nollywood ride will come to a screeching halt when they realise im not a real Nigerian. but hey, that dude Hugh Laurie who plays house is British and i bet you didn't know till i just told you.

Better appreciate me now people, I'm gonna be freaking famous in a matter of months*

*unwritten*

*for some reason the casting agent guy hasn't called me back since my screen test..hmmm