The real World:

I have mentioned before several times that i am a fan of the reality show.

Someone asked me the other day while i was getting my weekly fix of LC and Audrina "why do you think it is that you enjoy watching other people live their lives, when instead of just sitting there watching, you could be living yours?"....

OK, so that someone was me. And the thought had never occurred to me until that very moment.

Damn.

And then i began to think about how cool it would be if my life were filmed by camera's 24/7 (supposedly) and then i freaked out, because then people would then find out that:

All the clothes that are supposed to be hung up in my closet are actually in fact either lying on the couch in my room or on the floor of my closet and the floor of the closet in the guest room. Look, jezebel told me its called a freaking floordrobe. Lay Off.

That i rarely ever change the outfit i put on first. It usually works out well for me, either that or my friends never tell me the truth. Its a thing i picked up in boarding school when i shared a room with the worlds most annoying indecisive person. The worst is that she would ask my opinion every time she changed.

I almost always lie about what I'm doing when i answer the phone (shameful). The degree of the lie depends on who is calling and what I'm actually doing.

Which means that people will not only find out that i lied, but that i am usually googling myself, or eating simba chips (chutney flavour) for dinner, or that im listening to my Hanson or Hannah Montana CD, or watching High School Musical on PVR, or...I'm gonna stop now but you get the point.

I pre-drink by myself every, single time i go out.

I mean, that's the stuff that they really should edit out, not too exciting. But the stuff they really would keep is the stuff that happens socially. There are no Brody Jenners in my life (find suicide note at the end of post) but there have been some really awkward dates and there are some serious frenemy situations for example:

The editor boy's sister is exes with a guy i slept with once, and when ed asked me how i knew him i completely lied, even though this guy and i talk on a regular basis.

My friend tila is actually a frenemy coz i know she told the guy she's dating that i dislike him, because he is an asshole...but he is an asshole and she only likes him coz he's rich.

I once kissed said asshole (before they started dating OK)but we were both very drunk and never ever told. Besides i would totally deny it if it leaked...but not with the camera's following.

I met editor boy before i broke up with high flyer and kissed him even.

I hang out with some very elite (read: filthy rich and spoiled and therefore drama filled socialites) people who like to party...A LOT.

I have my very own Whitney. The work friend who always blankly asks what i did over the weekend and who always says "oh...wow" and "how cool"

i have a great...scratch that AMAZING shoe collection.

Of course the question remains as to whether MTV would be interested. But hey MNET...hola.

I guarantee better ratings than jacobs cross

*unwritten*

Deal of No Deal?

Not much on the go. Just my job, that is still making me live in McSucky-ville. But we push on yea.

In case you were wondering what the highlight of my day was yesterday (apart from locking lips with one super cute editor boy)???.....

as i settled down into my daily routine, two of my South African bosses entered the conference room (which is ryt next to my desk)...

(Just a side note, the conference room walls are mayjah thin and because of my close proximity to the conference room-where my boss holds 90% of his crucial meetings, i can often here a LOT of the stuff that goes on in there, and let me tell you...some serious shit goes down in there!)

So, I'm happily sitting at my desk drinking my red bull, and my female lawyer boss from SA (Lawyer with killer Rack) walks by, into the conference room. A few minutes later, her colleague from SA (Lawyer with the killer Eyes) walks in, and the following conversation ensues:

Lawyer with the killer Rack: Good morning lawyer with the killer eyes

Lawyer with the killer Eyes: Hey there, Gosh, Nigerian men are hot aren't they?

LWTKR: you bet, i had to literally peel my eyes from that one dude from company A yesterday.

LWTKE: I know, bet he's not that good in bed, like tiny shlong, thats always the case.

LWTKR: What?

LWTKE: seriously, you're better off with the ones who are average lookers. Lucky for you, your husband is average, so he must be killer in bed..

At this point i have to give kudos to lawyer with the killer rack, she is all sorts of graceful and classy because i would have opened up a can of whoop-ass on that bitch. What is that about?

Anywho..

So, i had dinner with the girls last nyt, and as is always the case, the conversation always ends up being about sex, boys, boys, and shoes. So, the discussion quickly turned to boys, and dating. And then we started to talk about dating deal breakers. You know, the little (or huge and sometimes totally shallow) things that you would not be able to get past if you discovered you date possessed or did on the first date or very early on in the relationship.

The sort of shit that came out people's mouths was unbelievable. It really is tough for guys out there. Among other things, these are the mayjah (mostly shallow) deal breakers from the girls. They would never date anyone who:

1. Is a vegan
2. Studies every line of a receipt as if it was the night before his chemistry A-Level
3. Has anything by Kenny G, Barbra Streisand, or Dixie Chicks in his iTunes
4. Names any part of his anatomy
5. Can't stop talking about his wife
6. Wears sunglasses indoors

Now, i don't know about you, but these are all right up my allie. Seriously, especially in the case of number 6. Eish, i cannot get past that. We laughed our asses off...and now, shamelessly, here are my super shallow (don't judge yo) deal breakers (most of these have actually happened mind you):

1. White Socks with ANYTHING.
2. Dirty Nails/Long Nails..
3. Careless use of Fork and Knife
4. Chewing and/or talking with food in the mouth
5. Asking if i wanted to "do a line" (read: do you want some cocaine on our first date)
6. A guy who eats off my plate without asking.
7. Repeatedly calling me by his ex-girlfriends name and then lying that its his siter's name.
8. Calls his friend to report about the date--in front of me
9. Calls his wife to tell her he wont be eating at home tonight--in front of me
10. Reads Cosmo to find out how to get laid.
11. I once went on a date and the guy was really sweet and opened the car door and ordered for me and everything, until it came to desert and he not only burped the loudest burp ever, he also called the waiter a wanker.. and i never saw him again.

I love dating. (not)

*unwritten*

no press is bad press ryt?

Listen, I'm the last person to be judging people who go out and get absolutely shit faced and cant remember where the front door of their house is. Or people who get so drunk they try jump over the counter at McDonald's to steal a McChicken Burger. Or get so wasted they end up slumped out of the back window of a cab puking all the way home. Or get so smashed they steal cones/road works etc.

I am however, going to judge really, really, really stinking rich people who lack a voice of reason to hire a driver for the night or at worst, take a cab, when they plan to get completely shit faced drunk, and then go ahead and risk everyone else's life, get arrested and then have a sudden career boost and over a million web hits and ten thousand paparazzi stalking their every move. Yes, that's right, i am renting a high horse, mounting myself on it, and judging all of you dumb ass fools...

Hayley Joel "i see dead people" Osmond

Jack Bauer-u should be ashamed. Ass Hat.

el stoopido

This chick.

Lionel is my silver fox* but Harlow's mama is a fool.

ugh.

i totally judge you mr. totally.

dear c.s.i hottie, you're a nottie loser.

AND NOW, THIS SUPER HOTTIE HAS GONE FROM HERO TO ZERO IN MY BOOKS..

fuckwit.

Can you tell my day has gone from bad to worse? And that i am in an extremely foul mood? So foul, in fact, that not even an afternoon flirt sesh with my editor boy could cheer me up.

(*silver fox meaning older hottie I'd totally do)

*unwritten*

a good ray of sunshine please

five things im grateful for:

1. friends who surprise DHL earrings to me
2. laughter
3. MAC (the cosmetics)
4. no winter weight gain for the first year ever
5. the ability to IM at work and look like I'm doing something super work-related

Every Monday morning i head to postsecret and i read other people's secrets. I love this site, and i think that even though a lot of the secrets are sad, there is something powerful about them, and almost always, there's one that really resonates with the way i have felt or am feeling at one point or another. He must get thousands of confessions every week, and i always think about what a task it must be to select which ones to publish. Anyway, i went there today and as usual i was going over the secrets from last week and i saw this one:

Last week i just skimmed over it, but today i stared at it for a good 10 min. Why? Because, when i woke up this morning, and i could not think of anything else i wanted to do, or anywhere else i wanted to be, but away from this place i am now in my life.

It also got me thinking about what i would write if i ever sent a secret, and the way I'm feeling today, my postsecret would be something along the lines of...

I hate complaining about luxuries, but i also think that people deserve to be happy and that there is no point being miserable for longer than you need to, especially if you have options.

This job, that started out with the promise of being an eye opening experience has turned out to be the most excruciating thing i have had to put myself through on a daily basis. And worse still, it has turned me from the girl with the sunny disposition into this snappy, rude, impatient little bitch between the hours of 8am and 6pm, and then after that, because i am so drained, the attitude carries over and the frown lines have begun to become a permanent fixture on my once youthful face. I am not that person, really, I'm naturally patient, optimistic and always up for a laugh-not anymore, and when i do, its forced for the most part. 3 times in the last week i found myself sitting on the loo crying because i couldn't bare the thought of going back into the office, yet when you see me, you wouldn't know it.

At this very moment i am handling a work load that is normally handled by three people. The most irritating part is that i am not being compensated for the extra hours i put in, and the one time i asked what the normal procedure was, i was met with a sarcastic remark about how i do not know anything and that i still need to pay my dues. Fair enough, i do need to pay my dues. Fair enough, its rare to land your dream job straight out of uni, but really, what am i suffering for? I'm miserable, and is it not only those who take the first step to helping themselves, that when they have exhausted all avenues, the universe (or God or whoever is out there) kicks in and lends a hand?

I know i have to get the ball rolling, otherwise I'll wake up one day, when I'm 33 and realise that even though i make good money, and i have what is considered by the outside world as being success, inside i am screaming to bolt from that situation because I'm miserable.

Most people would say quitting my job would be really dumb, especially being that i don't have one to replace it, but I'm young, and i will never know if i don't try now can i? A lot of people will tell me I'm being naive, but there's only one way to find out isn't there?

If i died tomorrow, i wanna at least know that i was trying to get myself out of an unhappy situation, it would make me feel better at least knowing that i was on track to at attempting to live the life i dream of having.

*unwritten*

WOZA WEEKEND (plus random rant)

The five things im grateful for today:

1. Thai Food


2. Pedicures


3. Strawberry Mentos
4. Jeans
   
5. Lionel Richie

So, i was outta action yesterday, simply because i am being over worked and am majorly under paid, but that's another topic for another post.

Before i get into my usual list making and details about whats hot for the weekend..i have to (i cannot help it) update on the editor boy situation. I'm mesmerised by the way things have been going along swimmingly. We've hung out everyday since the "we're getting married debacle" and although i would love to take credit for charming my way out of it, ed boy is the one who should be credited for not changing the locks at his house and blocking my number. He seriously laughed it off. I can seriously say i am quite smitten, and have completely let my guard down and am just enjoying hanging out with him. BUT (u knew it was coming didn't u), as is always the case with, something happened last night that made me stop in my tracks and question the whole thing.

So, ed boy took me out to dinner to this really cool Thai place and we had such a ball. He sat next to me (as opposed to opposite me) and we made out a little (OK, a lot), and before we knew it, it was 11.30pm, so we went to the usual Thursday joint and met up with the group of friends. All good, all fun. And then about 2.30, we decided, lets head home, long story short, we're sitting in the car outside my house and we're chatting and then out of nowhere ed boy says something along the lines of "this is all so great, as long as we keep it between us, if a lot of people know, it takes away the fun" ...what??

I have been known to be a bit of a drama queen, but is there something i should be afraid of? I mean, he was basically telling me that this is some sort of secret affair thing right? Does this mean that he is going around doing this with other girls? Am i supposed to care, i mean we haven't made anything official but i really like him now and i guess i just figured its gonna be a natural progression till we decide to be exclusive. Am i crazy? (don't answer that). No, but really, what is he hinting at? Am i just being paranoid or over-reacting? Should i ask him? I need advice yo!

Sooo, onto a completely different story. I've just discovered this blog work-girl, and its pretty darn cool. Even though they live in new york, i can relate to them on a lot of levels. I just like the way in which they talk about their lives as newly working girls, having just graduated uni and all this really connects with me. Like how, they got a lot more than they bargained for with the jobs they have, and they underestimated how difficult it would be to land that dream job you always dreamt would come right outta uni. Boy do i get that. The whole "pay your dues" thing lasts much longer than i thought. And its a whole lot of doing things that are not relevant to your degree at all. They also talk about their work work-mates. And how difficult it is to make friends in the working environ.

So, I'm a bit outta sorts in terms of what to post about...so look what i found...

1. What is the one thing that you're most interested in right now?

hmm, right now, as i sit here, it would have to be the US election. Jeez, i wonder if they will actually go forth and elect their first black prez. That would be pretty awesome.

2. What is the one thing that you're least interested in right now?

WORK. WORK. WORK. I'm not interested in what the next issue is gonna be with the venue, I'm not interested in why the visiting boss hates his hotel now, i don't care what drama there is with the food...you get the point.

3. Who is the most interesting person you know?

My dad. In terms of ever amazing contradictions (good ones) and the thought process that's always diff from everyone around him. In terms of his priorities and his individuality. Def, the father figure.

4. Who is the least interesting person you know?

My co-worker who sits diagonal to me. I.DO.NOT.CARE.

5. What is the most interesting thing about yourself?

Bloody hell, i think it would have to be the process that goes into my decision making. Really, i fret about a decision that's not too important for ages (longer than i need to), and the really life changing decisions i literally make over-night.

Top 10 least fave celebrities:

1. Heidi and Spencer from the hills. I cannot even begin to tell you how much these two are a waste of good media space. I love me some The Hills but sweet Jesus, these two have just gone overload.
2. Eva longoria (Parker): Oh my word. I don't know what it is...i just cant stand her.
3. beyonce Knowles and JayZ: Im a hater of hers (thats right, i said it)--and him..i cannot even begin to put into words my contempt for him.
4. i know he's not a celeb, but PEREZ HILTON: even though i read his blog once a week, he is soooooo rude isn't he?!
5. Lindsay Lohan and Her mama, Dina: the mother is a fame whore, and Lindsay i don't know why exactly but I'm not a fan. Mean girls was good though!
6. Paris Hilton: She really should be number one to ten on this list. Every single thing about Paris Hilton rubs me the wrong way. I purposely avoid news about her. Waste.of.space.
7. Jessica Simpson: I'm a little more sympathetic towards her now, but she still irritates me. Funny though coz i love ashlee and pete wentz.
8. I think that's it. Really, either my brain is dead or i don't dislike as many celebs as i thought...hmmm.

Right, so as far as the weekend goes...

mojito: BOTTOMS UP!!!!

that's all.

*unwritten*

call me crazy

the five things I'm grateful for today:

1. lipgloss


2. books
   
3. ipod (between this and Google, which is the greater invention really?)


4. morgan tsvangirai


5. my grandmother (who i called yesterday and it took her 8min to realise she was talking to me not my aunt in Canada. bless her soul)
   

Hello humpday. Thanks for coming round so slowly yet again. Don't mind me, I'm glad you're here, coz once you show your face it means McDrunk Thursday is next and then...WOZA WEEKEND! So...as they say in Nigeria..well done.

OK, a lot of you may or may not know that Nigerians and God are tight like a virgin. So, since i moved here, i have noticed that almost every question is answered with the phrase: "we thank God". And it confused the hell outta me at first, but i soon realised they mean it the same as "fine" or "Not Bad" or "fucken ay" or "go to hell" basically, this phrase means ANYTHING and/or EVERYTHING you want it to mean.

So my coworker Alice With The Killer Shoes is in from Joburg, and she walks into the office this morning and greets colleague Femi With The Killer B.O.

Alice: Good Morning Femi, how you doing?

Femi: We Thank God.

Alice: Why?

I had to walk out. My laughter was taking over my entire body.

**Moving on. The God's smiled down on me last night. In case you were wondering what happened with editor boy. He called last night and told me i am "obviously a few fries short of a happy meal." I think we're back on track.

Anyway, onto the main point. Now, i realise there is a lot of stuff about lagos that really needs help, but i am in a good mood today having just confirmed Woody Allen (boss man) on a flight to Cameroon. Therefore, in keeping with tradition, i present...TOP 5 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT LIVING IN LAGOS:

1. STUPIDITY: not mine...theirs. Because so many people walk around with a serious common sense/good judgement deficiency, i have become a super-frekin-star at work. I mean this in the most sincere way. They say, if common sense were shoes, you'd be surprised how many people would be walking around barefoot. I am not one of those people, just glance at my ninewest shoes and you'll see.



2. BITCHY WOMEN: Man, you haven't crossed a bitch until you have crossed a Nigerian bitch. Whoa Nelly. Why is this a good thing? Because of these crazy-bust-a-cap-in-your-ass chicks, i look like such an angel. Seriously, I'm like Charlotte (sex and the city) in a land of Kate's (days of our lives-don't ask). Love it.



3. REALLY REALLY GOOD QUALITY FAKE DVDs: Don't judge me. You're stuck in traffic half your Lagos life, and these dudes are walking around with all this stuff. I am such a pro now that i have a "go-to" guy. I make a request and he gets it. Its also very addictive. Its like drugs except..shit, its exaclty like drugs- illegal and it feels damn good. I have managed to watch all of Gossip Girl (must do), Brothers and Sisters, Gilmore Girls and i am half way through The Tudors. The best bit is that the quality is freaking awesome, I mean, well, sometimes you get hit with the subtitles for greys anatomy for half an episode of The Tudors, but that's a small price to pay i think.



4. MEN WHO LOVE THEM A GOOD SIZE 12 SOUTH AFRICAN HONEY (me obvi): This may come across as bragging, but lets be honest, lets give credit where credit is due. I'm not saying I'm freaking this lady:

i mean, lets be real. But i am closer to her when i am put next to this:

i rest my case.

5. HILARIOUS QUOTES:

"my friend...you're not my friend";

"by the special grace of God i will kill you"

So...i reckon its not such a bad place to be. But be warned, before you move to Lagos you have to remember that common sense and K53 will not help you at all here, so better leave those everyday indulgences wherever you're coming from.

unwritten.

I.AM.SOOOOOOO.EMBARRASSED.

(PLEASE NOTE: THIS MAY NOT BE MORTIFYING FOR THE MAJORITY, BUT I...I AM TRULY EMBARRASSED.)

FUCK.ME.

i have shamed myself and the entire clan of intelligent, smart, cool and calm, witty women who have come before me.*

*fine, I'm being a tad over-dramatic, but i am really genuinely mortified here OK..

Here's the background story:

Well, because i have been in foul mood land (read: PMS) i didn't feel like posting yesterday, but i really should say...i did finally see editor boy...

on Saturday, he called me around 6pm and asked me what i was up to.

editor boy: hey unwritten, what you up to?

ME: nothing, I'm just browsing the Internet catching up on current affairs (perez hilton)

EB: nice, well, i was watching the sopranos at home, but i'm heading to a party at (party venue), you going?

ME: ahhh, yea, i was invited but i didn't think anyone was actually gonna go to that crap person's party

EB: LOL, well, see you there?

ME: I'm not sure...(are u kiddin me, im legging it to my wardrobe to cruise the racks for the sexiest dress i have)...let me see how i feel.

Cool, so i call the girls who invited me...we head to said party.

As suspected, the party was crapiliscious, but my fears of not recognising editor boy were really unfounded coz i knew who he was straight away. We got to the party around 9pm and As soon as i walked into the room, we just smiled at each other (cliche anyone?). Anyway, i cruise over coz he is talking to the host (crap person)

EB: hey there stranger (my goodness, knees weak), you showed!

Crap Person: oh, you guys know each other, did u meet through me? (no)

ME: (ignoring crap person) i was pretty much abducted by (female friend)

Crap person: oh, at least your boobs are big (no.joke.)

ME: (opening my mouth to tell crap person to fuck off)

EB: oh, im sorry, this is my brother crap person.....(shit shit shit shit..that means i have to deal with this fool for the rest of my life--coz editor boy is about to propose--natch.)

Anywho, moving on.

After crap person left, editor boy and i got into some deep conversation, and around 11pm, decided to go to his place and watch a few dvds (no, seriously!)..

I have to say, he was such a gentleman (or he's gay..but come on), he did not try anything. And let me tell you , we were quite cozy on that couch!

Before we knew it, it was 4am and we had gone through season 4 sopranos and "the great debaters" (which was really good--and i cried my way through the whole bloody movie, now he thinks his future wife is a psycho).

So, he drove me home around 4.30am and...we kissed. and i am looking at wedding dresses as we speak.

so, anyway, we've texted and, i am really liking this guy, but, of course, with every romantic interest i have, i fucked it up and now i have to pay the cancellation fee on my wedding venue in new york.

Now, here i am at work this afternoon, and i get back to my desk and there is a missed call on my fone from editor boy. My heart jumps and i immediately pick up my office phone and phone him back. No answer. ok.

So, in the space of 10min, i get a call on my office phone..

Male Voice i recognise: hey miss, you sound like you're having an epic day

ME: oh hey there (i have now id'd the voice as that of my pal trivial)..yea, I'm fucking PMSing

Trivial: Well, what can i do to make it better

Me: Well, I've been trying to cheer myself up by browsing wedding dresses online for my wedding

Trivial: Oh..you're engaged?

ME: well, not yet, but i have to be prepared for when Editor Boy proposes over Christmas when we're in the Bahamas honey..besides, you know venues fill up very quickly and if im gonna get that place in London i have to be prepared coz i have a feeling his family wont be much help..

Trivial: ummm

ME: yea, i know, i shouldn't say that but his brother is freaking psycho man.

Trivial: unwritten, do you know who you're talking to?...

ME: (heart stops, that's all it takes for me to realise....)

Trivial: ITS ME...EDITOR BOY.

ME....click.

i hung up. yup. that's right. i hung up because i couldn't even find a quick way to turn it around and put a humorous spin on it. nope. i was at a freaking loss.

He called me back, on my cell, but i have nothing. I've been racking my brain to find a witty way to make him not think i am absolutely kooky, but i got nothing.

I emailed my friend bumble bee for advice and got this:

honey, why are you planning a wedding in London, i thought you picked cape town so i could have London because its halfway from where i live and SA?

with friends like this, who needs enemies.

so, in case you were wondering why I'm single...

unwritten.

let me see something here

So, i am PMSing and its not a pretty sight.

As a result, i have been all about ignoring the people at work and delving into the depths of blogs, and boy are there some MAYJAH (thank you victoria beckham-that's an awesome ass use of the word major) blogs out there! I love reading other people's thoughts and opinions and what makes others tick. love it. Look on the left for blogs i read religiously.

One of the more interesting things i have read this morning...expensivemistakescheapthrills put up an interesting topic and i thought i would chime in because i reckon I've read much more than 6 of them. There are some pretty good books, but some i look at the title and am not moved in the slightest.

so check me out...(i have to add that i did English lit for O-level and A-level, hence great expectations, jane eyre, hamlet and pride and prejudice!..but even without them i did pretty well by myself!)

Someone” reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed. It’s not the Big Read though — they don’t publish books, and they’ve only featured these books so far.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read (im gonna change the text to blue).


2) Italicize those you started but did not finish.


3) Underline the books you LOVE.


4) Highlight the ones you still want to read but just have not had a chance yet! (expensivemistakescheapthrills added this category--in going to change the font colour to pink for this)


5) Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who’ve read 6 or less and force books upon them.







1. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger



2. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams



3. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood



4. Lord of the Flies - William Golding



5. Life of Pi - Yann Martel



6. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett



7. The Color Purple - Alice Walker



8. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle



9. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte



10. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee



11. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte



12. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell



13. His Dark Materials (trilogy) - Philip Pullman



14. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens



15. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller



16. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien



17. Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger



18. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh



19. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky



20. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll



21. Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis



22. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis



23. Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne



24. Animal Farm - George Orwell



25. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley



26. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck



27. On The Road - Jack Kerouac



28. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens



29. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White



30. Hamlet - William Shakespeare



31. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl



32. Complete Works of Shakespeare



33. Ulysses - James Joyce



34. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad



35. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo



36. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen



37. The Bible



38. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald



39. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy



40. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck



41. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy



42. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini



43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez



44. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen



45. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon



46. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov



47. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery



48. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole



49. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien



50. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling



51. Little Women - Louisa M. Alcott



52. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy



53. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier



54. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks



55. Middlemarch - George Eliot



56. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell



57. Bleak House - Charles Dickens



58. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame



59. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens



60. Emma - Jane Austen



61. Persuasion - Jane Austen



62. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres



63. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden



64. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown



65. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving



66. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins



67. Anne of Green Gables – L.M. Montgomery



68. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy



69. Atonement - Ian McEwan



70. Dune - Frank Herbert



71. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons



72. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth



73. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon



74. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens



75. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez



76. The Secret History - Donna Tartt



77. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold



78. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas



79. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy



80. Bridget Jones’ Diary - Helen Fielding



81. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie



82. Moby Dick - Herman Melville



83. Dracula - Bram Stoker



84. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson



85. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath



86. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome



87. Germinal - Emile Zola



88. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray



89. Possession - A.S. Byatt



90. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens



91. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell



92. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro



93. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert



94. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry



95. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom



96. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton



97. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks



98. Watership Down – Richard Adams



99. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute



100. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

There you go. Not so shabby ha?!

Just while we're on the topic, I'm actually reading this book at the moment and loving it...

UNWRITTEN.

Happy Birthday Madiba

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.

Today one of my heroes turns 90.

What an amazing life. He brought a nation together, united in humanity and respect.

You are one of the most inspiring people in the world madiba.

May you have many more to come.

God Bless You.

woza weekend baby

The five things I'm grateful for today:

1. the impending laziness that's brought on by weekend fever.
2. nail polish


3. the good genes that gave me my butt and my hair


4. text messages from really nice editor boys on Friday mornings checking how your hangover is treating you after Thursday night madness.
   
5. the rain.
   

Yup, that's right baby. Its Friday, and oh is it a freaking God send. Seriously, i am absolutely stoked.

I did go out last night, with a group of girls that i never really hung with, and now I'm wondering why? They were soooooooo much fun, and it was just us girls. Madness. Think men sending over bottle of champagne, loud laughter and hot shoes everywhere.

Unfortunately, because i was having so much fun with the girls we didn't get to the club "hot" until 1ish, and by that time editor boy had made like a banana and split. damn. he did however send me this text:

hey (initial of my name), this place is not so hot tonight, therefore, I'm gonna call it a night. Also feeling a bit weird staring at the door waiting for you to get here...I'll check on your hangover in the am..

2 things about this text. A. he initialled me, surely that's a sign? (wat sign?-he's lazy? he loves me?) B. he kept to his word and actually checked up on my hangover, how considerate.

Anywho, in terms of weekend plans...

well, in Lagos right now its all like this......

So I'm hoping to get some reading in. A few People are planning a trip to Benin for the weekend, and i cant go so i wanna really get some reading in. I'm in the mood for some Chick lit, so I'm headed for this book...

of course, it would be lovely to get some TV in. I'm really into style network right now.

I also googled Martha Stewart as i want to make some really good soup. My mouth is watering at some of the stuff i found on there.

On a random note, i recently discovered the joy of spending HOURS watching BBC FOOD, thus i have discovered my next obsession...

Anyway, onto more fun times. I saw this on beingbrazen and i thought it would be quite fun to do..

1. List three random things you purchased recently?

bathroom slippers, coat hangers and cat food.

2. Where were the last three places you visited?

Harare, cape town and Nairobi

3. What are your three favorite movies?

like everyone i have heaps. today they are..

a. the shawshank redemption

b. Forrest gump

c. pretty woman

4. What are your three favorite possessions?

hmmm...this is subject to change according to mood/day etc..

a. my blackberry

b. my passport

c. my car (Mazda2 which is parked at my aunt's house in jozi...tears.)

5. What three things can you not live without? (loved ones are a given)

a. my blackberry

b. Google

c. my passport

d. OMG--I JUST FORGOT MY CAT GENEVA..SHE'D BE DEVASTATED IF SHE SAW THIS.

6. What would be your three wishes?

a. to get that job hosting and producing my own TV show

b. hear my mama's voice

c. beautiful love and even more beautiful kids.

7. What are three things you have not done yet?

a. gotten a credit card (good thing)

b. been to New York City.

c. acted in a movie

8. What are your three favorite dishes?
a. nandos chicken

b. seafood laksa with extra crab

c. spicy crab and lobster with fried rice

d. lasagna (love it)
9. What three celebrities would you want to hang out with the most?
a. Madiba (given)

b. Oprah

c. Rihanna
10. Name three things that scare you:
a. snakes

b. lightning

c. the dark
11. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
a. unique

b. humble

c. loyal
12. Name three unusual things you are good at:
a. applying make up

b. knitting

c. braiding hair
13. What are three things you currently want?
a. those manolos that carrie wore when she married Big in the SATC movie

b. a dog. to be specific a pug that i will call Theo walcott (yes, i have thought about it)

c. biltong
14. Three places you most want to visit:
a. the Bahamas.

b. Sydney (i miss my girls!)

c. Chicago ( i have a fantasy that the man of my dreams is there waiting for me)

that's it from me, its an extra long post coz I'm soooooooo bored at work.

unwritten.

random rant uno

thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant. And if you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say...thank you for being a friend.

OK, so I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Well, really, since last night. I got a call from one of my really really good pals bumble bee last night. We laughed, we cried and boy did we catch up. Sometimes facebook is not enough. It was just a really lovely 3hour phone call, considering time diff she's a champ for not going straight to bed after a big night.

Anywho, the point is, started thinking about friends and friendship and the people i hang with here. I am one of those people who really has a core group of friends (3) and they mean the world to me. We can go for months without speaking and yet when we meet up/ call we are back to the same jokes and laughter. I love these girls.

I also have major trust issues.

So, i moved to this scary new city, and the people i did know from here are all overseas (just my luck), so i started hanging out with a crew that's a little older than me. Their all in their late mid twenties (25/6/7). There's demi, tila and ginger. I mean, its not like they are bad people but they just have a knack for making feel like a complete outsider. Technically i am, because I'm not Nigerian, but neither are ginger and tila, but they seem to fit right in. Now, I'm not a fucking snobby ass girl, i am really open (not in that way perv) and really friendly. Its true, i love meeting people and they know that, because that's how i met them.

It just annoys me. They behave so clicky. Like "oh, we're so exclusive" blah blah. Even

Even though i do have fun (drunken) times with them, this group of girls has reminded me that...

1. 
   
   i prefer having male friends, a lot of girls (not all of them) that i attempt to be friends with gravitate towards that stupid behind-the-back talk and bitchiness.




2. 
   
   i am not the type of person who needs a whole bunch of friends or people around me to make me feel special

Case in point. Yesterday. Now demi has been on a long trip and she obviously feels really great, and she obviously has a lot to catch up on and all. So, i spoke to her on Monday the day after she got back and she's all, yea lets do dinner blah blah. So, is it just me, or when someone says that, and says "I'll let you know", they are supposed to call/text/facebook/email wateva and let everyone else know when and where? And being that this demi is one of those people who if u so much as sneeze she wants to know when and where--she at least wants an invite. So...i waited. And out of my good naturedness, texted her (in between texting editor boy) and asked her when the big catch up was.."oh, not sure yet"..OK.

This morning, i get a call from tila "hey...yea, demi and i had dinner last night, why didn't you come??" yea. OK.

I don't see why people need to waste time, lets just get shit out in the open. Look, I'm not a bad person, i think people just don't understand how i can be so honest sometimes. If i don't feel like hanging out, i''ll tell you, look, I'm not feeling it. No excuses. Easy. But it would be really nice if these people would stop acting like I'm a charity case. I am not. Let me tell you, i would rather be alone at home with a DVD than out with people who are being fake towards me because they feel bad if they don't take me with them. Really, I'm not a charity case. Seriously, I'll be fine thanks.

I have three really good pals who are gorgeous girls who love love me, and i heart heart back. You know why, coz we keep it real with each other. That's what friendship is about.

so why don't i just stop hanging out with them? I don't know man.

fuck.

*unwritten*

lets all grow up dammit

the five things i am grateful for today:

1. The air con in my office, lord knows i would melt if i didn't have this thing.


2. my super sense of fashion, without it, i would never have spotted the gorgeous dress i found at Y.D.E. a few weeks ago that i am still getting compliments on even though its been 6 days since i wore it.


3. Google.


4. flavoured water.


5. biltong.

Anywho, so before i get onto the main point of my post, i just wanna give a quick update.

1. High flyer and i are on a "break"(read: i just feeling a bit bored, and he's out of the country but we still talk)

2. I was out on Saturday, with ridiculously embarrassingly drunk pal TILA and sane and cool pal GINGER when i met.. a..

Yup..a boy. I wasn't looking, i was not on the usual prowl. Nope.

One minute i was standing there with ginger, talking about how stoopid tila was being and the next minute, i am chatting to this really cool, funny, well spoken guy about jozi, about unidentified drunken injuries and lots more that i cant remember coz i was way down drunken lane. Anywho, before i knew it, it was 4.30(am) and we had to take dummy drunk ass tila home because she was all about being dumb and throwing champagne glasses (full) and ice at the loser she's dating because they were having another one of their dumb ass fights that they have every 20 Min's. Anyway, i exchanged numbers with editor boy and he said something about sms before i headed out.

Obviously, i was drunk when all this happened, but i remembered him the next afternoon when i woke up. I couldn't remember if he said he would text me, or if i should text him. Anyway, after dinner with a now sober (and embarassed) tila, i decided to text him (which i never do) something witty and cute. After the text was sent, i waited and tried to talk myself out of jumping into my phone and recalling the text. luckily geneva (my cat) took it upon herself to distract me by ripping my scarf to shreds (aka a blatant cry for TLC). I had totally forgotten about editor boy when my cell bleeps and there it is... a text from editor boy:

hey unwritten, sorry for the late reply. Had a lil bit of confusion outside the club (drunk idiots fighting over which car belonged to who), but the night turnd into the morning and got home at 8. Safe and sound though. i have discovers 3 u.d.i (unidentified drunken injuries). bet u have more coz u were closer to the fire than i was. hope no scars. it was lovely talking with u...

Yup, it was lovely talking with me bitches. Its been a text-a-thon since that and there have been numerous calls since.

Now, i go out on Thursdays, and he says he might join me later. I really hope he makes it. Only issue is that, same as baglett , i don't really remember what he looks like. hopefully I'm such a stunner he wont miss me. or i could get him to hint at what he's wearing? fuck, if i mess this up with editor boy, I'll sue me.

i just have to miraculously sober before i confirm whether or not he's coming.

unwritten. good luck.

things are gonna change a whole lot around here

so I'm totally and absolutely becoming a new person.

The girl who was walking around feeling sad and miserable--goodbye

the girl who couldn't make a decision--goodbye

the girl who sat around and felt sorry for herself because she was wasn't living the life she's always dreamed of living--goodbye.

that girl is soooooo gone.

i am now the girl who is keeping a gratitude diary and giving thanks for at least 5 things everyday.

i am now the girl who is actively seeking ways to make the misery go away

i am now the girl who is whole in herself and needs no one but her own self to be the best i can be.

i am now the girl who stands up for herself and does not allow others to make any gain what so ever on anything that brings sadness to my life and tears to my eyes.

that's who i am. It may not be over night, but I'm gonna make it..

i am making this change now.

before this huge whole where my self worth and pride used to be completely takes over my sense of happiness.

I have to do this smoothly and quickly, because today, for the first time in my entire life, i actually seriously, for a split second, saw myself falling.

unwritten.

Crossroads

Song Of The Day: Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton

this song is so amazing to me

On this day, in 1986, a boy was born in pretoria. He was born bouncing and happy. My cousin.

He would go on to be the most amazing story teller i have ever come across. Shy but proud, kind, good natured, humble and rebellious in the most innocent way.

His family would laugh at him when he gets hand picked for the choir, and cheer when he becomes the first to own his own business.

On the 8th of July 2007, he would get into the passenger seat of a car being driven by a friend he's only known for 2 weeks. And he would be the only on in that car to not see the sunrise just hours away.

Unfortunatley, in my life, i have lost quite a few family members, but this particular death, just literally took a piece of me with him.

The most painful part is that i had the chance to call him, several times in the weeks he before he went, but i always had something better to do. It kills me.

I hadnt talked to him in 2 years, and the most recent image of him i have in my head is that of his funeral booklet.

God. It was so unfair. And yet all my fault. I should have called him. I should have called you.

To this day, when i talk to his mom, i always wanna ask how he is, because it just doesnt sound real.

My cousin, I know it must have been an awful way to go, and i love you, and i know you couldnt stand that fuss and the crying over the weeks you were taken, but i want you to know that even though i hate that we grew apart, i want you to know you inspire me to never take a single moment for granted. Ever. I know u can see im having a hard time right now. A hard time deciding where and what to do, a hard time being consistant with my love for me, a hard time with adjusting to this new life. But through all this, everyday, i take a minute to realise how short life can be, and how to never ever feel entitled to anything or take anything for granted. PLease dont ever leave me T.B. dont ever forget me, you know i will always have you in my mind and in my heart.

Rock On Kid!

Happy 22nd Birthday honey.

I still wish i had called you.

Phenomenal Woman

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a womanPhenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

woza weekend baby

Song Of The Day: Valerie by Mark Ronson ft Amy Wino

this song just puts me in a good mood, and i love wino's voice-crazy not included.

OMG, am i glad the weekend is finally here. I just would not be able to take this week any longer. DAMMIT.

*just as a side note, i just remembered that in the middle east, friday is the day off and they work the rest of the week. Hmm..*

Tonight i'll be NETWORKING: i have a fucking dinner tonight for work, thank goodness i have to leave that early to head to the airport, i have a package being delivered to lagos tonight from joburg, in the form of a family friend who i have known for about 20 years, we were born 6 days apart and we are good pals. The best thing about this pal who i call Serena, is that she's a hoot. but she's not a big partier, she keeps me sane, loves it. We can be fine just sitting for hours doing our nails and stuff and have a blast. So i dont feel the pressure to take her out partying (not in that mood this weekend) She'll be here for the weekend...YAY*

Anywho..because i have had such a shit mother crappin week, i have the most FABULOUS weekend planned for myself...this is what i'll be doing...

Man, i heard about this book a while ago and told myself i would NEVER read it, but i got it from a friend (yea, she meant it as an insult..love my friends) and read the first chapter in what seemed like 2 mins...its HILARIOUS..so i think i'll finish this while im stuck in traffic!

Oh boy. I saw the first episode of this show last night and i am hooked. Thats it, im done. I have to watch the whole season (which i purchased ten minutes ago) and Serena approves of the show majorly so its all good. Seriously, this show has all the good shit, sex, scandal, hot men and good acting.

Ah, and btw, that Jonathan Rhys Myers..YUMMO!

This is a picture of cutting hair. Yup, im getting my hair cut. I told you i get bored very easily. Because of this, staying with one hairstayle for more than 2 months is painful. So, im cutting it Rihanna short. Like really short. Its gonna look so amazing dammit!

AND THE BIG FINALE...ON SUNDAY NIGHT, THESE PEOPLE WILL BE IN LAGOS, AND I HAVE BACK STAGE PASSES...

YUP..THATS, MARY J BLIGE, YOUSOR NDOUR, JAYZ, NAOMI CAMPBELL, RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN....i would be lying if i said i wasnt excited.

happy weekend.

unwritten