a good ray of sunshine please

five things im grateful for:

1. friends who surprise DHL earrings to me
2. laughter
3. MAC (the cosmetics)
4. no winter weight gain for the first year ever
5. the ability to IM at work and look like I'm doing something super work-related

Every Monday morning i head to postsecret and i read other people's secrets. I love this site, and i think that even though a lot of the secrets are sad, there is something powerful about them, and almost always, there's one that really resonates with the way i have felt or am feeling at one point or another. He must get thousands of confessions every week, and i always think about what a task it must be to select which ones to publish. Anyway, i went there today and as usual i was going over the secrets from last week and i saw this one:

Last week i just skimmed over it, but today i stared at it for a good 10 min. Why? Because, when i woke up this morning, and i could not think of anything else i wanted to do, or anywhere else i wanted to be, but away from this place i am now in my life.

It also got me thinking about what i would write if i ever sent a secret, and the way I'm feeling today, my postsecret would be something along the lines of...

I hate complaining about luxuries, but i also think that people deserve to be happy and that there is no point being miserable for longer than you need to, especially if you have options.

This job, that started out with the promise of being an eye opening experience has turned out to be the most excruciating thing i have had to put myself through on a daily basis. And worse still, it has turned me from the girl with the sunny disposition into this snappy, rude, impatient little bitch between the hours of 8am and 6pm, and then after that, because i am so drained, the attitude carries over and the frown lines have begun to become a permanent fixture on my once youthful face. I am not that person, really, I'm naturally patient, optimistic and always up for a laugh-not anymore, and when i do, its forced for the most part. 3 times in the last week i found myself sitting on the loo crying because i couldn't bare the thought of going back into the office, yet when you see me, you wouldn't know it.

At this very moment i am handling a work load that is normally handled by three people. The most irritating part is that i am not being compensated for the extra hours i put in, and the one time i asked what the normal procedure was, i was met with a sarcastic remark about how i do not know anything and that i still need to pay my dues. Fair enough, i do need to pay my dues. Fair enough, its rare to land your dream job straight out of uni, but really, what am i suffering for? I'm miserable, and is it not only those who take the first step to helping themselves, that when they have exhausted all avenues, the universe (or God or whoever is out there) kicks in and lends a hand?

I know i have to get the ball rolling, otherwise I'll wake up one day, when I'm 33 and realise that even though i make good money, and i have what is considered by the outside world as being success, inside i am screaming to bolt from that situation because I'm miserable.

Most people would say quitting my job would be really dumb, especially being that i don't have one to replace it, but I'm young, and i will never know if i don't try now can i? A lot of people will tell me I'm being naive, but there's only one way to find out isn't there?

If i died tomorrow, i wanna at least know that i was trying to get myself out of an unhappy situation, it would make me feel better at least knowing that i was on track to at attempting to live the life i dream of having.

*unwritten*