I.AM.SOOOOOOO.EMBARRASSED.

(PLEASE NOTE: THIS MAY NOT BE MORTIFYING FOR THE MAJORITY, BUT I...I AM TRULY EMBARRASSED.)

FUCK.ME.

i have shamed myself and the entire clan of intelligent, smart, cool and calm, witty women who have come before me.*

*fine, I'm being a tad over-dramatic, but i am really genuinely mortified here OK..

Here's the background story:

Well, because i have been in foul mood land (read: PMS) i didn't feel like posting yesterday, but i really should say...i did finally see editor boy...

on Saturday, he called me around 6pm and asked me what i was up to.

editor boy: hey unwritten, what you up to?

ME: nothing, I'm just browsing the Internet catching up on current affairs (perez hilton)

EB: nice, well, i was watching the sopranos at home, but i'm heading to a party at (party venue), you going?

ME: ahhh, yea, i was invited but i didn't think anyone was actually gonna go to that crap person's party

EB: LOL, well, see you there?

ME: I'm not sure...(are u kiddin me, im legging it to my wardrobe to cruise the racks for the sexiest dress i have)...let me see how i feel.

Cool, so i call the girls who invited me...we head to said party.

As suspected, the party was crapiliscious, but my fears of not recognising editor boy were really unfounded coz i knew who he was straight away. We got to the party around 9pm and As soon as i walked into the room, we just smiled at each other (cliche anyone?). Anyway, i cruise over coz he is talking to the host (crap person)

EB: hey there stranger (my goodness, knees weak), you showed!

Crap Person: oh, you guys know each other, did u meet through me? (no)

ME: (ignoring crap person) i was pretty much abducted by (female friend)

Crap person: oh, at least your boobs are big (no.joke.)

ME: (opening my mouth to tell crap person to fuck off)

EB: oh, im sorry, this is my brother crap person.....(shit shit shit shit..that means i have to deal with this fool for the rest of my life--coz editor boy is about to propose--natch.)

Anywho, moving on.

After crap person left, editor boy and i got into some deep conversation, and around 11pm, decided to go to his place and watch a few dvds (no, seriously!)..

I have to say, he was such a gentleman (or he's gay..but come on), he did not try anything. And let me tell you , we were quite cozy on that couch!

Before we knew it, it was 4am and we had gone through season 4 sopranos and "the great debaters" (which was really good--and i cried my way through the whole bloody movie, now he thinks his future wife is a psycho).

So, he drove me home around 4.30am and...we kissed. and i am looking at wedding dresses as we speak.

so, anyway, we've texted and, i am really liking this guy, but, of course, with every romantic interest i have, i fucked it up and now i have to pay the cancellation fee on my wedding venue in new york.

Now, here i am at work this afternoon, and i get back to my desk and there is a missed call on my fone from editor boy. My heart jumps and i immediately pick up my office phone and phone him back. No answer. ok.

So, in the space of 10min, i get a call on my office phone..

Male Voice i recognise: hey miss, you sound like you're having an epic day

ME: oh hey there (i have now id'd the voice as that of my pal trivial)..yea, I'm fucking PMSing

Trivial: Well, what can i do to make it better

Me: Well, I've been trying to cheer myself up by browsing wedding dresses online for my wedding

Trivial: Oh..you're engaged?

ME: well, not yet, but i have to be prepared for when Editor Boy proposes over Christmas when we're in the Bahamas honey..besides, you know venues fill up very quickly and if im gonna get that place in London i have to be prepared coz i have a feeling his family wont be much help..

Trivial: ummm

ME: yea, i know, i shouldn't say that but his brother is freaking psycho man.

Trivial: unwritten, do you know who you're talking to?...

ME: (heart stops, that's all it takes for me to realise....)

Trivial: ITS ME...EDITOR BOY.

ME....click.

i hung up. yup. that's right. i hung up because i couldn't even find a quick way to turn it around and put a humorous spin on it. nope. i was at a freaking loss.

He called me back, on my cell, but i have nothing. I've been racking my brain to find a witty way to make him not think i am absolutely kooky, but i got nothing.

I emailed my friend bumble bee for advice and got this:

honey, why are you planning a wedding in London, i thought you picked cape town so i could have London because its halfway from where i live and SA?

with friends like this, who needs enemies.

so, in case you were wondering why I'm single...

unwritten.